Because men are such emotional creatures

Men are very irrational creatures. I know the mythology about the male psyche claims the opposite, but the cold hard facts have never been of any use to male centred mythology, and nowhere is that more accurate than in the argument over male rationality.

The most motivating force in human history is the male ego. The male ego is also the least rational, most emotional force that ever existed. Bridges don’t get built because people need to get from point a to point b, they get built so a man can beat the architect he fought against in university, or to show off to a girl he’s trying to impress.

Everything that men do or achieve has at its core, some kind of ego drive. It’s to teach their mate a lesson, save face over a drunken argument the night before or prove to everyone from his childhood he’s not a loser.

Even the moon landing happened because the Americans wanted to beat the Russians.

If a man gets jealous of his mate, he will lock in her in the house, make her wear a black shapeless sack over her whole body, cover her face, hands and feet also, refuse to let her speak to any men without his approval, and then build an entire religion to justify his paranoia and fear of losing his woman.

This is not rational behaviour.

In romance novels men don’t pretend they are rational creatures. The men are masculine, gorgeous and powerful – they just aren’t very rational; Same as in life, only theyr’re happy to admit it.

Because women think it’s reassuring to tell everyone else your problem

Not their problems mind you – yours.

Women seem to have no trouble at all telling their husbands, children’s and best friends most private secrets to every woman they will run into in their day.

You see, when you tell a woman something (and the more private it is the better) she immediately counts up the people she knows who will be impressed that she received this news from you first. For a woman, to be taken into the confidence of someone is a very precious thing. So precious, she will want everyone to know how much you trust her.

She also thinks that with such intimate and personal problems, you need a lot of input. She will find her way to all the people in the office, her friends she is able to grab hold of and pretty much all the people in between to ask them advice about how you are going to handle your situation.

How many times you asked her not to tell anyone is irrelevant. In fact if you did ask her not to tell anyone, she will simply tell that to all the folk she tells as well, making sure it never gets back to you, because after all – you told her not to tell anyone.

In romance novels, if a woman blurts out a private secret to all around her, the subject of the secret understands that she is only trying to help, and will respect her for her efforts. Also, in romance novels unlike in life, the people she tells will not lose respect for the subject or feel superior because they don’t have the same problem.

Because men think winning the battle is more important than winning the war

A man will argue that black is white; day is night and hot is cold in order to win an argument; Even if he doesn’t believe those things.

It is more important for a man to win the current argument than it is for him to establish himself as intelligent or talented in the long term. All that matters to him is that when interacting with other human beings (although this battle winning also applies to broken appliances) he leaves as the ‘victor’; Even if there is no war.

This means two things. Men will look for ways to determine themselves as victor. And men will set a series of rules that they will not share with their opponent, establishing a greater opportunity for them to come out the winner.

Everything is weighed up in a series of competitive cheques and balances in a man’s’ mind. This is why he won’t ask for directions. It means to the person he asks – he’s lost. That person knows something he does not know, and they knew it first. They win. He can’t let that happen. Even if it means not showing up at the destination, he’ll be the winner in the end because he didn’t ask for directions.

If you are arguing with a man and his witty come back to your point is “so?” and you throw your hands up in the air and walk away – he’s won. It is simply irrelevant what you think of him later. It never occurs to him. All he cares about is that he won that battle.

If a man successfully avoids the best advice at the most crucial moment – but it was not a moment chosen by him – he will reject it and in his mind this means he’s won. Everything is a challenge to be met, a gauntlet to be run and a chance for him to showcase his abilities. His abilities in what skill in particular are not important.

In romance novels men never act so irrationally. They ask for directions, they aggressively seek advice from professionals, and they focus in a strategic fashion on the long term objective.

Because women ‘Mother’ their way to the top

One of the busiest  people in the workplace, who actually does nothing is the social organiser.

The social organiser is usually a woman and usually too busy to get a lot done during the day because she is örganising the Christmas party, getting the birthday card signed or planning the monthly social BBQ.  However, people feel too mean to complain that they aren’t supported because she also brought fresh muffins into work that morning that she baked herself.

Not only that, she gives generous gifts at Christmas, little eggs at Easter and knits booties when anyone or their wife has a baby.

This manipulation is a way to get out of doing the daily drudgery that no one wants to do, but someone has to because that is actually why you are there getting paid. As women have always been the masters of being acknowledged for pointless tasks, they have naturally brought it to the workplace, claiming it is good for morale.

In romance novels the women are too busy getting on with their exciting lives to be bothered with currying favour through these kinds of gifts.  Their generosity is shown naturally, through the day; not as the result of painstakingly thinking what they can do to make everyone like them.

Because men can fix plumbing – even when they can’t

 

There are three things men effectively can do regardless of the results of their efforts. Repair all plumbing problems, fix the car and do their own extension.

The law of the land argues that all three of these tasks require extensive education. There is not just theory required, but practical components, recognising that you can’t simply learn these tasks from a book. You need to do them in a prescribed amount of time, to a specific standard and be able to do this over and over, day after day before you qualify to perform these repairs.

The primary reason for this is they can cause death if not done correctly.

None of this matters to men. From the dripping tap to the clogged sewer, a man will resist calling the professional for as long as he can get away with it, either ‘getting in there’ on the weekend, or thinking ‘he must get to that’ and never actually getting around to it.

Every mechanic who works on the car to the man is the enemy. Every mechanic is trying to rip him off, or at least assert a superior style of masculinity over him. Men will do all sorts of things to ‘prepare’ to confront the mechanic from leaving small indicators around the engine to show someone actually did the work, to getting in and fixing it himself first – the result inevitably being it will need more expensive work than it would have before.

Men will think nothing of having their family live in a house littered with nails, sheets of glass, cut and broken tiles exposed pipes and dripping roofs as they take the prescribed five years to complete the extension on the house they don’t have council approval for.

In romance novels, a man does not see it as a challenge to his masculinity if you have to call in a plumber to do a plumbers job. He never even makes the connection. Because he’s just slayed four soldiers, a vampire and a dragon, he’s happy to let the professional do their job.

Because every woman, no matter what she says, follows astrology

Make no mistake about this. Women think astrology is a science.

If any women ever looks you in the eye, and tells you that she has no interest in astrology, that it isn’t her thing and she can’t understand the attraction – she’s lying.

You must understand, this is a bit of a sore point for women. They’ve tried, really they’ve tried since emancipation to give this one up, but they just can’t shake the habit.

They will go months, years even, and then one day they will casually glance at the newspaper and ‘accidently’ read what the stars have in store for them that month, and bingo – they’re hooked again. Before they know it, they’re checking in on their boyfriends stars, looking up a blog for a ‘deeper understanding’ and then doing their charts.

Then without seeing the warning signs, she is consulting the stars every day to plan her day, working on the shadow side of her personality and using astrology to help her climb her ladder to a deeper spiritual awareness. In fact, you know you’re in trouble if she brings home the candles and the herbs and sits mysteriously in the corner carving things into the wax, and reading a little book she picked up for $65 at the local Saturn Return book shop.

This is an addiction for women and only a high level intervention on mass with all women will help them get over it. If step one is admitting you have a problem, then we have trouble because even the most rational minded woman will not admit that, alone in the bathroom with the daily paper, she hasn’t just peeked  - for a laugh – at what the stars say today.

In romance novels astrology is completely legitimised. Sorcerers, magicians and all kinds of star gazers take the place of so called rational people, and the woman can feed her little addiction in peace, knowing if anyone catches her at it, she can claim she didn’t know it was in the book.

Because men think the relationship “high” is supposed to last forever

Ask any man if you think it is a good investment to buy a new car, and usually they will tell you that it isn’t because the cars value will drop as soon as you drive it out of the showroom; you’re better to buy a one-year-old-car, gain your benefits  and not lose your money.  

Ask most men who have been on many overseas trips if they still feel the initial buzz when they wander around the city streets of an unfamiliar town, and they will tell you with no small amount of pride about how clever they are at finding their way around and how wonderful it is to have the benefits of being a seasoned traveller.

Ask a man how he feels about his socks with holes, the faded jeans that still fit like a glove, the old track suit pants he’s had for ten years, or his high school football jersey and he will tell you nothing on the planet will make him part with them.

However, men do irrationally insist that their wife or girlfriend stay fresh, flawless and above all young, forever.

Here is the bitter, ugly truth. Sex is just a normal bodily function. It is not the big dramatic height of romance, stimulation and thrill that men insist it is. If sex requires constant external stimulation in order for it to exist, then your problem is not outside of yourself.

If you grow tired of a certain restaurant, you don’t say “It’s my wife. I will leave her and go to that same restaurant with a younger woman, and that will fix the restaurant.” If you are sick of the same old music, you don’t say “It’s my wife. I will throw her away and get a new younger woman and listen to the music with her and I am sure the music will be much better.”

The new is just a temporary distraction from the old problem.

A man can trick himself into believing this lie (more on this later) in order to avoid actually having to do any work on his own psychic self, but eventually he will leave the new woman when she is too ‘old’ and shrug his shoulders and say “I’m just  man.”

In romance novels, if a couple are not enjoying their sex life, they do something about their sex life, in the same way they would switch apartments if their home had gotten too small for them. They don’t expect sex to remain the same as it was when they were teenagers, and they are grateful for it and embrace the exciting new frontiers sex together will bring – Or they will introduce new people as a couple to their bed if they want.  The point is, they don’t throw out the relationship, they just fix the sex.

 

Because women believe you develop spiritually up a ladder

Women consider themselves to be deeply spiritual beings.

Even a woman who is an atheist, or one who has masculine intelligence issues, still in their core know that they have a spiritual understanding.

The way women see it, is that we are all on a “journey” of sorts, and that the ultimate goal of this journey is to learn your “life lessons”. These life lessons are always based on the core issues of what it means to be human; money, relationships and self esteem. The underlying message is always the same. You, and everything in your day, are desperately important.

However, what may not be obvious at first, is that women grade each person that they come into contact with, by how spiritual they are. No matter what type of spiritual “discipline” a woman adheres to, she has been told at some point it is wrong to judge people, so she has transformed herself into accepting the “different places we are all at on our journey.”

The best image for this, is a ladder.

Women see themselves as progressing up a ladder, each life lesson taking them one step closer to…. whatever is at the top of the ladder; and each life lesson taking them one step higher and further away from… everyone else.

Everything is a life lesson that gives a woman an opportunity to progress up her ladder. How she handles losing her job, her husband, or her child are all opportunities for “growth”. Also, how you deal with deadlines, traffic and annoying waiters is an opportunity for growth. Even, paper cuts, blisters, burnt coffee and newspaper ink staining the hand are opportunities for growth for a woman. There is no event in her day deemed too insignificant to be connecting her in a meaningful and personal way to the spiritual realms. And the more she reads into these events, the better she is than everyone else.

In romance novels, everything has a spiritual depth to it. People openly talk about where they are “at” on their journey, and how their current circumstance contribute to their ascendancy on the “ladder.”

Because when men want to be wild, they think it’s their woman holding them back.

Men like to think that if they were free they would be wild boys. Every man allowed to live the life he wants, would be out sleeping with thousands of women, eating cold pizza for breakfast, drinking beer like water, and smoking before going on bungee jumps and learning how to fly glider planes.

For men, it’s the woman’s fault that he can’t live like a rock star.

Not his lack of talent, ability, drive, ambition, courage finesse looks or charisma. No, it’s the woman holding him back from living like Jim Morrison.

One of the reasons men are so desperate to get married, is it finally relieves the pressure of having to hold up the ‘image’ of being male. Now, he can sit back comfortably each night, his healthy meal prepared, his home clean, his work done at the end of the day, money in the account, and say to himself “If it wasn’t for her, I would be wild and free.”

For a man, everything missing from his life, that he always wanted, but didn’t have the courage to create for himself, is the woman’s fault. It’s her fault he’s not out sleeping with super models every night. It’s her fault he can’t go every weekend on adventure holidays with his hoards of wild mates (who are also in their safe homes counting their pennies). It’s her fault he’s ‘tapped’ in his high paying job, and it’s her fault too much beer makes his belly swell.

Of course, along with this irrationality goes the idea that she never feels restless. Every man imagines his wife / girlfriend / partner got the better end of the deal. She gets the life SHE wanted – it’s never realised that she feels trapped too – she gets him healthier, stronger, fitter and richer than he would be alone. So these are all benefits to her. Not to him. In a man’s topsy-turvy world he imagines he’s staying home for his cooked dinners and clean laundry every night as a favour to HER.

In romance novels, the heroes sow their wild oats. They take responsibility for their own wild times, and make them happen when they are young, or they leave an unpleasant situation to make them happen when they are older. They never blame their woman for what is their own responsibility and they never think of their home with her as a trap.

Because women act like strippers but don’t want to be treated like strippers

It is assumed by women that because men like them, strippers have a lot of power. Because It’s useful for men that women think this, very few of them do anything to dispel this myth.

Because of this perceived access to power women will dress like strippers, prostitutes, escorts, cigarette girls and pole dancers.

And it’s not just young women who fall for this. Older women will expose a pound of flesh given half an excuse (night out with the girls, fancy dress parties) because they assume it gives them instant access to power over men.

Women overestimate the power of their flesh consistently and enormously. If a man looks at a large cleavage he may be thinking “what a large pair”, or he may be thinking, “She’s hot” or he may even be thinking “I’d like to have a go at that.” What he is not thinking, at any point, under any circumstances when a woman has a low cut top on, is “what an excellent pair of breasts, she’s the perfect mother to my children. I’d love to get into her soul and find out what makes her tick.” Or “I must give her half my income forever”

Women don’t know this. They know it intellectually, but they have been so duped into thinking that male sexual attention equals power, that they fantasise as soon as a man ogles them that they can do whatever they want with him. And that rarely means lose him as soon as I am done with him, because like all power hungry creatures as soon as a woman gets a taste of perceived power, she wants more of it.

In romance novels a woman can don the sexiest outfit in the world and the hero not only becomes aroused, but has more respect for her for the efforts she’s gone to. If any other man dared to look at her, he’ll rip out his eyes. He never accuses his woman.