One of the famous stereotypes about women is that they complain a lot. This is mostly based on fact. It has become so pervasive that we think women complain that we have incorporated it into pop psychology. We say women don’t want solutions; they just want to air their problems.
Generally, when a woman is complaining about something from the wet weather through to the way her friends are treating her; it is not in order to change anything about the scenario she wants to complain about. It is just to complain. As if she’s become so addicted to complaining that she fears resolutions to her problems. A resolution means she has to do something about the situation. A resolution means her case is solvable, which in turn means, it isn’t special, which means, neither is she.
Women don’t want to think that there is a solution to their problem. Simple statements like “That’s horrible. Maybe you should never speak to that person again” invalidate her complaint. Even saying something like “That’s terrible, but I guess you have to live with it. I mean you can’t get rid of your boss” invalidates her complaint. In fact, sitting down and listening to her and saying nothing invalidates her complaint.
The only thing to do when a woman wants to whinge is to listen and help her blow the problem out of all proportion. If you say “That’s terrible, but it goes to a deeper underlying issue for her, that you will have to prepare yourself to deal with. This is very similar to a war, and you will have to act like a general in this situation” you not only validate her complaint, you dramatise it, blow it out of proportion and invite future discussions around the issue. This is what she wants. The ultimate validation for the thing she’s complaining about.
In romance novels women don’t complain nearly as much. They’re too busy living their lives, and enjoying a relationship with a delicious man who validates the smaller things they do in life. Therefore they have no need to seek out validation or disproportionate support over every little thing.
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