Because men are afraid of women

I know what you’re going to say. Men can’t be afraid of women. Not the way they hit them, abuse them, ridicule them in public, attack them in dark alleys, stalk them, cover them head to toe in black cloth, forbid them to leave the house, refuse them access to education, reduce their role to reproduction, legislate to control their bodies, insist women live to attach themselves to men, belittle tem and generally all round make fun of them and their ideas twenty four seven.

That’s not the sign of someone who is afraid of someone else. Is it?

I know that not all men treat women this way.

What is not known, is that the guy who treats women well, who thinks about who she is, who cares about her opinions and doesn’t feel the need to belittle her in order to advance his own ego, is actually the only one who is not afraid of women.

And this guy (who I’m sure is the man reading this blog right now) is one of the vey very few, are, real men.

The “mucho dude” or “spiritual man” who needs to do all things that were stated in the opening paragraph – or even needs to do one of the things in the opening paragraph – is afraid of women.

The more machismo a man shows, the more intense and deep his fear of women.

And where does this fear come from?

It is a deep pathological fear that he is unnecessary. We’ll deal with this more in future posts, but for the most part, men fear that they are not essential. Why? Because they can’t make babies. They can make sperm – but let’s face it. Each man can make millions and millions of sperm. It’s the cheapest liquid on the planet. This then means that far fewer men are actually required for the perpetuation of the species.

The minute women figure this out – men fear they are doomed. At least, that is what these men are so worried about.

As I said, the world is changing and not all men are like this anymore. Some men are not even like this some of the time. Many men these days have the courage to embrace what makes them scared and learn about themselves.

In romance novels the men are never ever afraid of women. This mirrors certain men in RL who do exist- thank you evolution!! However when women paint the picture, they make sure that no men and their wonderful masculinity are threatened by anything that women might do or not do. The men here are real men who are not threatened by the actualization of woman.

Because women go back to bad relationships

I’m not talking here about the women that go back to men who beat them when they share children. That is a whole other pathology; that is one of mutual pain and suffering.

I am talking here about the women who break up with their boyfriend who, for example cheated, or abused her in front of her friends, or generally treated her like crap.

When you break up with someone, there is an intimacy that has been broken. It is over. There is a crushing moment of realization that can last for hours or days. This is a feeling that must be endured, because you were intimate with that person. Even if they don’t admit it, or say it isn’t happening to them as well, they are going through it, and it is an inevitable aspect of separation.

As I said above, this moment must be endured. This is the moment you are most likely to get the phone all, the invite to the pub for a drink. Please understand ladies, that what you are doing here is going back to the man who cheated on you or who treated you like crap. Just because he is being nice to you in the pub where you’re meeting, does not mean he has changed. In fact, it is far more likely that if he is attracted to you in any way, he definitely has not changed, because the two of you were mutually playing off a problem you both have and will when you get together in the future.

You need a fresh man. That is called growth and moving forward, Not the same guy with a new (or worse old) set of promises that he has given up his wild ways.

Please, please, please prepare for the moment of separation anxiety. Plan to go out with friends, go away for a holiday in Paris (this is when your fuck you money is so important) or just force yourself to busy yourself out of the place that he has put you that is no good for you.

This is one of the most essential things that women can learn. How to leave a man properly who is bad for them. Do you know what the BEST thing about the powerful breakup is? You are very unlikely to repeat the mistake.

In romance novels there is simply no such thing as a breakup unless the guy is bad, and then the women will mull and be sad, but they will move on as soon as knight in shining armor shows up. Happy ever after is the creed of erotic romance novels and women just don’t have to worry about ugly things like bad breakups.

Because men will only wash up if they are being paid to do it

We have seen in some earlier posts that men seem to be allergic to housework. Of all the advances made in the so called “battle of the sexes” this is an area famous for the least progression to have occurred.

It’s interesting. We say that feminism is hard on men and that it is difficult for men to know who they are now days, however, it look literally ten years for men to embrace the notion of women bringing home as much money as them. The idea that their wife would bring home more than her own pocket money lit up their eyes and had them champion the streets for women’s rights.

However, where they used to say “I don’t have to do the housework, because I worked all day” and no longer can, for some reason the housework is still only being done by women.

Men aren’t arguing. They agree that they SHOULD do their bit. They simply never get around to it or they do such a crap job that the woman has to follow them around re doing any sort of work they’ve started in the first place.

One of the most offensive jobs is the simple task of washing up. A woman will come to the full drainer, seeing all the shiny pots and plates twinkling in the sun and immediately see that the undersides are streaked with melted cheese and the sun is actually glistening in grease streaks.

However, put a man in an industrial kitchen, pay him a wage, and explain the law of hygiene inspector, and you have a washing up machine that is superior to all the mechanized systems in the industrial world.

Now the standards in restaurants are there because of cleanliness issues. If you do not have a scrupulously clean work space in a kitchen, you ruin the risk of poisoning large bodies of people. Men understand this. It is what they would call “logic”.  However, translate that same argument to the house (and remember we’re not looking for restaurant standards here – we just want to keep wild animals at bay) and you have a whole other creature on your hands. This time the man will not (absolutely will not) do the washing up, and if he is found in the unfortunate position where he is washing up, then he will not do it well.

In romance novels men want to do the work that has to be done around the house, purely because he can’t stand seeing his woman in the uncomfortable position of having to do it all herself. Any man lucky enough to have his dinner cooked for him and the washing up done after, acts as though he’s just won the lottery. It never occurs to them that they shouldn’t have to.

Because women try too hard and do too much

What is the motivation behind doing things for people who didn’t ask you to do it and didn’t actually want it done in the first place? Why would a perfectly normal human being put themselves in that position?

The almost complete definition of frustration must be knocking yourself out for someone when they didn’t ask you to do what you’re doing, and then getting resentful when they don’t thank you for the trouble you went to.

As long as women refuse to take responsibility for what they want in their lives and for their own selves, they will continue to have this feeling.

A classic example of this is the clean house that more resembles a person with and OCD psychosis than a comfortable home where people are clean and their possessions are neat and cared for. This is one of the best examples of women overextending themselves and over capitalizing in what they need. Women need their homes to be beautiful so they can show off to each other and bully their families into regimented behavior. If women are going to get some real power in their lives around themselves and how they spend their very few valuable years here, then they need to let go of getting all their self esteem from how clean the house is.

This has been observed in first year university female students as well. The drive to do well has them staying up late and working so hard that they overachieve in the early days, where their masculine contemporaries are simply doing what is required of them. By mid course, the men have out ranked the exhausted women and by the end they achieve higher accolades.

Women think that if they just work hard, and get a lot done in the day, that they are productive and useful. But it is not necessarily the case. You can spend all day running around in circles and you may look busy but it does not translate that you have had a very productive day.

In romance novels women are able to have a perfectly clean house, an immaculately balanced budget, a well fitting wardrobe and excellent grades. This goes with the territory of sleeping next to a Greek God. Of course, this is a fantasy that women like to indulge in, but the intelligent women who read these books for their leisure know that it is only a story and that life isn’t nor should be like this.

Because men spend money they don’t have on women who don’t care

You’ve heard the complaint over and over again.

“I lost all my money and then the bitch ran off with my boss / best friend / ex girlfriend and now all I have is this massive debt.”

Now, if women have to take responsibility for getting away from men who hit them, then men really have to take responsibility for leaving women who spend all their money and don’t expect to give financially. The only exception to this is when you’ve been in a financially equitable relationship and now one of you is leaving your job to care for a baby, or if there is some other mutual project you have agreed to where one partner is supporting the other.

This does not include the ultra skinny bronzed beach babe that didn’t look at you twice till the day you turned up on the beach with that enormous bunch of roses. When she noticed you, you then promptly took her to the hottest night spot in town to show her off, plied her full of ‘screaming orgasm’ cocktails and went home and screwed her for ten minutes till she passed out on your bed, after which you get to tell your mates it was the best sex of your life (which – let’s face it – it probably was).

Let me tell you a secret about women like that. THEY ARE EXPENSIVE! And not because they are mindlessly ripping you off. They are paying $200 a week (min) on their hair, $55 a week on their tan, $250 a week at the gym and on their personal trainer, $500 a week on their clothes, and $150 a week on the manicure, pedicure and facials. They have invested an enormous amount of time and money into the look that you are blithely showing off to your friends. In their world, you’re investment of $500 a week to keep them in the cocktails, restaurants and lines of coke they’ve become accustomed to is nothing.

 You’re getting the good end of the deal here, and they are entitled to come and go as they please. For women who are investing at that level, a mighty return is required.

So if you lose your job as merchant banker on the gold desk, don’t expect her to come running to you to give support, unless you can cry for ten minutes and spend the next thirty telling her what a blessing it is you lost the job, because there’s an opening in Dubai working close to the Al Fayeds and you may need to pop over every few months, and you’d love to take her – all expenses paid!

In romance novels, the men are usually very wealthy, and the women are usually so fiercely independent they won’t touch the money. In a woman’s fantasy world, she is making her own money and all she wants to know is that he is there with his cash to support her should things go horribly wrong. Because this is a fantasy, and because it represents a woman’s ideal world, he usually has enough money that neither of them has to worry about it.

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Because women need to get married on Valentines Day

When love is not madness, it is not love.  ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Valentines Day is a bit of a mixed bag.

Lets get one thing straight. It’s not chic.  don’t care how many times Jennifer Garner and Anne Hathaway appear in films with this title, no one can make Valentines Day chic. It has that whole ‘Hallmark holiday’ sting now, and after the Simpsons did their rendition of ‘Love Day’, Valentines Day has well and truly fallen into a bottomless well of ‘daggy’. Valentines day means disgusting fluffy toys that have traded what little dignity they had for “I wuv woo” red satin cushions. It means velveteen roses and cheap silver plated heart jewellery. It is kitsch at its absolute worst (except perhaps for Venetian Christs on gondola lanterns).

Having said that, it does have the advantage of giving clear signals and overpriced opportunities to poor guys who REALY don’t get the whole romance thing and just don’t know what to do for the rest of the year. A nice chunk of cash spent on Valentines Day on a huge bunch of roses WILL actually go a long way.

Then of course there is the inevitable Valentines day argument. So many pent-up expectations (her – expensive jewellery, him – hot sex) and then the friend at the next cubicle at work who is three years younger than you, gets proposed to by her six month old boyfriend using a sky writing aeroplane to land her a rock on her finger the size of her ego.

So, why… WHY do women want to MARRY on this day. The flowers will cost you more than flowers ever will at any other time, and the last thing people want to do on that day is think about YOUR relationships. Theyre all pissed off about their gifts and unmet expectations. Surely you’re not just trying to out do the girl with the sky writing boyfriend?

I do think that is it – at the end of the day – Valentines day is all about women competing with each other to show off how deeply nabbed their boyfriend is.  With women, it always come back to competing with each other.

In romance novels, there is some Valentines Day acknowledgement, however for the most part, romance, hot sex and fulfilling emotional connection are de rigeur so the need for one specific day where this all gets handled is non existent. And that is why, deep down, women wish the world were like that.

Because men think not doing the house work is practical

Accursed from their birth they be

Who seek to find monogamy,

Pursuing it from bed to bed-

I think they would be better dead

Dorothy Parker

Because men think not doing the housework is practical

I was in a group of women the other day who were all asking why their men can’t see that the house work has to be done. A very sweet man was working nearby who turned and said
it’s just that we’re so practical that we know it will get dirty again, and therefore we don’t see why it needs to be done.”

Now, despite this being the strangest use of “logic” I have ever headed, I need to confess that I have heard me say it before. Of course, it doesn’t apply to their car – it’s just going to get dirty – it doesn’t apply to their body – they still take showers – they mow the grass – it’s just going to grow back – so why is this thought to be a form of regular maintenance, but vacuuming, changing the sheets or, heaven forbid, cleaning the toilet, is not thought to be necessary?

Could it be as simple as men don’t want to do women’s work? Is the problem with the housework that it is not the ‘domain of men’? It doesn’t reinforce masculinity therefore it is not a job that they want to do. Is it another example of men thinking it will turn them gay?

We have seen in earlier posts in this blog that men have to reinforce their masculinity all the time, presumably out of a fear that it is going t just float away. Perhaps cleaning the house is just way too much of a threat to the dedicate balance of keeping them from turning into women.

Is it just laziness? I don’t think is just laziness, because they will spend hours cleaning their car, and they will happily vacuum and use a spray glass cleaner on their car. But ask them to do carpets and windows at home, and you may as well be asking them to grow breasts and be the ‘bitch’ for all the other men in the street.

In romance novels, the men happily and comfortably clean their own bachelor pads and then will clean the house with the woman once they have established a relationship and gotten their lives intertwined with each other. Women love men who realise that they have hopes and dreams as well, plans they want to realise and that doing the housework is not fun for anyone, and just needs to be done in the course of the day, like all the other little daily maintenance chores that keep us alive and functioning.

Because women are flatterd when a married man wants to pick them up

Woman wants monogamy;

Man delights in novelty.

Love is woman’s moon and sun;

Man has other forms of fun.

Woman lives but in her Lord;

Count to ten and man is bored.

With this the gist and sum of it,

What earthly good can come of it?

Dorothy Parker

There is one way that women can ensure no man ever cheats again. And that is if all women stopped falling for the bullshit they spin when they seduce.

Now, I’m not talking about those poor women who find out after a while that their exciting new boyfriend is actually lying to them about his status (that happened to me once – and I think many women have this sad story to tell) but I am talking about those women who know that their guy is married or with another woman who does not know that he is cheating.

You know who you are ladies.

I know all about this, because I was one of these women in a dim dark past life also, and I can tell you, it is a sad and sorry state for a woman to reduce herself to being second best in any situation. (And trust me – the mistress is ALWAYS second best no matter WHAT lies you’ve been fed) However, I think the worst thing about it is the desperation a woman must feel to think that this man is her only opportunity or that he is worth the betrayal.

Because when someone is doing this to someone else (yes – I know – women do it too) they’re cheating on you as well. Just because you know that they’re sleeping with another woman / man does not mean you have “over” the partner who is in ignorance. Because you are the silly fool who is compromising your own opportunities for a caring relationship with ALL the benefits of togetherness, not just the sex.

I know this, because it happened to me, women who cheat on husbands, or who become the woman  a man can cheat with have poor self-esteem and no ability to take control of their lives. The short-lived burst of power is a fiction of the imagination. You have nothing over the wife or husband at home. You are merely a pawn being used in a game over which you have no control.

In romance novels men don’t cheat.

Because men will blame the woman they are with for their infidelity

Lady, lady should you meet

One whose ways are all discreet,

One who murmurs that his wife

Is the loadstar of his life,
One who keeps assuring you

That he never was untrue,

Never loved another one…

Lady, lady, better run!

Dorothy Parker

It’s a tired old story and really we must discuss the women who fall for this one – and we will address that in another post this week.

But really, what is the deal here? The man who is currently cheating on his wife with you, not only has done it before will do it again, but he will cheat on you too, if you are unfortunate enough to end up in a relationships with him.

Now I am not necessarily a big fan of monogamy. However, if you are experiencing people outside of your relationship you MUST be with a person who is doing it too, or is totally ok with your experimenting. It needs to be discussed gentlemen – and I don’t mean with the girl you’re hitting on. I mean with the wife or girlfriend. She is the person you need to approach before you get it going for the chickie in the bar.

However, men are aware that women are very competitive, so they will actually use the girlfriend or wife to seduce the new woman. In many cases this works, and the man has not only successfully betrayed the person closets to him who has promised to be devoted and faithful to him, but he’s used her to get laid by someone else.

I’m not sure, but I think this may be the lowest you can go in “decent” society.

But some men will comfortably do this. They will use lines like “she doesn’t understand me” or “she doesn’t like sex” or “she’s a great mother but a lousy wife” to have the opportunity to sleaze around behind the back of said woman. We know that the primary person is he trying to convince here is himself, but come on. This one really has to die with the dinosaurs.

In romance novels men don’t cheat.