Archive for May 9th, 2009

Because men have trouble letting go

take the balls

Men find it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that their penis is simply a functioning (or not) organ on their body. Because it is the primary thing that identifies them as male, it is very important to a man that the penis is recognised and given its proper place, as the definition of what separates a male from a female.

It is, therefore, very difficult for men to understand how a penis can mean nothing to a woman.

And nowhere is this more evident, than when a man has slept with a woman.

Men think their penis has such a profound impact on a woman, that they imagine they ‘own’ her, or perhaps to put it in a more egalitarian sense, they have ‘claimed’ her when they sleep with her. It is impossible for a man to imagine that the woman can get over the experience created by his penis.

This belief inevitably leads to deep insecurity in the man. Either his penis does not mean everything in the world to her, or the men who slept with her before him mean more to her than him. This is a very difficult moment for a man to face. He used to be able to deal with it by marrying, or dating virgins. These days women ‘sow their wild oats’ just as the men do, so the anxiety is back again.

It’s a choice for a man, between the deep importance the penis has on the woman, or knowing that she still longs for that first, most important penis.

It is also for this reason that men have great trouble letting go of the previous girlfriends. Just as he is convinced the previous penises in his lover’s life influence her still, so he believes that he still influences the women from his past. That they may have gotten over him is unfathomable to a man. He may not have seen an ex for years and years but if he accidently bumps into her in the supermarket, he immediately wants to renew contact. It is essential that he find out – that he know for sure, if she still thinks about his penis.

In romance novels the men are not worried about other penises. They know that their partner is not a piece of soap – she will not wear out. As long as she is faithful to them while they are with her, her history and it contents are irrelevant.

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Because women need to redecorate

Woman painting a wall rear view

When a woman has a problem in her life – I mean a serious, problem that requires a life altering solution – she will go to enormous, remarkable lengths to not have to do anything about it.

She will buy new clothes, she will dress the baby in a new way, she will find new friends, take up yoga, and if none of these things work, she will redecorate.

Redecorating for a woman is the same as nirvana for a Buddhist monk. It is the closest to perfection she will ever attain. No wall scratch goes unnoticed; no outdated frill will be ignored. A woman will use all the powers of her mind, intuition, body and soul to produce a Zen like change in the room.

The theory is; if the environment has changed, then I have changed.

Try very hard to never get between a woman and her desire to redecorate. You will only get hurt. Usually husbands will ‘allow’ their home to be transformed in this way, because everyone is trying to avoid the deep truth that is being hidden by the desire to re-decorate. There will be the ceremonial trip to the local hardware superstore, the busy buying of paints and brushes; all under her command, because it is a relief to see her happy and talking to everyone and the crises we all thought was coming has been averted for another day.

In romance novels problems women have to deal with are dealt with. Women rarely have time for phobias, complaints or unexpressed desires, because their needs are met and they know what they want. Their lives are fulfilling, exciting and fun, and tasks like redecorating are left to little moments of aesthetic pleasure or not dealt with at all.


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