Because men don’t know how to let go of their past relationships

Every love’s the love before

In a duller dress.

That’s the measure of my lore-

Here’s m y bitterness:

Would I knew a little more,

Or very much less

Dorothy Parker

 Every woman I know asks the same question when we get together.

Why is it that my past boyfriends / husbands can’t get over the relationships and can t move on with their new love interest?

In the book High Fidelity Rob Gordon goes from door to door talking to the women in his life and asking questions about why they broke up etc.

In the film A complete history of my sexual failures, Chris Waitt goes back to all his old girlfriends and wants to know why the relationships didn’t last. In both instances, s the story progresses, you find the man did terrible things to his girlfriends, from hitting on their mothers to accusing them of frigidity because they didn’t want to have sex with them. Inevitably, this is a high source of comedy because men relate to it so strongly.

Here’s the thing. Women never do this. We say “It’s over. Let’s move on.”

 Women cry, they mourn, they do the thing that has to be done… even if it lasts longer than the relationships itself, they will do what they have to do to get the connection out of their system.

Then they move on.

That is why it is a complete mystery to a woman when a man from her past calls her and wants to have “coffee” – especially when he is in a current relationship.

Although men claim these tete – a –tete’s are perfectly innocent, I think they have a lot more to do with “territory” than anything else. One of the reasons men can sleep around so easily is misogyny teaches them that any woman they’ve slept with, they “own” or have “claimed”. For a woman, she is told that she has been “claimed” and discarded, so that is why it hurts so much for a woman. But men, leave thinking they’ve added her to the list of women he can now claim as his own.

Hence the distress when ex’s – who they’ve not shown an interest in for years – marry another man or fall pregnant to another man. It is also the reason men have convinced themselves virginity is so important. If they are the first to fuck her, she is there’s forever. They can just go out and keep sleeping with lots or women and being the most important thing in their lives. It is deeply shocking to a man when he can’t just “go back” and re visit. The deep seeded assumption being, he can always pick up where he left off.

In romance novels once a man is interested properly in a woman that is it. He does not leave. However, one of the first things that distinguish the woman he finds himself attracted to is that she obliterates the memory of all women he’s ad before her. And that is yet another reason why so many intelligent women love romance novels.



12 Responses to “Because men don’t know how to let go of their past relationships”

  1. 1 Santana February 17, 2012 at 3:34 am

    because when they love they really love, clearly, honestly and deeply

    • 2 sean smith September 27, 2012 at 6:16 am

      Men live for the moment. Women live for the future.
      Women tend to move on more quickly after a relationship fails because they have a greater motivation to feel and be secure in a new relationship that appears to have more promise or a greater chance of having long term value and success. Huggie B (sean smith) Defreinded on FB by Rachael H. on 9/10/12

  2. 3 Paige March 23, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    Another thing I’ve noticed is for many people, bad credit is the reaction to circumstances outside of their control. By way of example they may be actually saddled by having an illness so that they have high bills going to collections. It would be due to a work loss or even the inability to go to work. Sometimes divorce process can truly send the funds in the wrong direction. Thanks for sharing your opinions on this site.

  3. 4 Engima May 11, 2013 at 5:09 am

    Those who move on rather quickly never felt what they should have or if they did they lost it long before the ending and stayed longer then they should have.. Either way, dont say you love someone or stay in it, if you don’t truly feel it. Work towards a common goal of life together.
    It’s not about the money.
    It’s not about the material things.
    Though they factor in it.
    I know some really successfully happy marriages and they are middle class or poor. The one thing that all happy relationships have is a shared, oneness with God and an affiliation with a church of their choosing.
    Couples without religion statistically do not last.

  4. 5 Click here May 28, 2013 at 7:38 am

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    this wonderful informative piece of writing here at my home.

  5. 6 Rogelio July 9, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    Everyone loves it when people get together and share views.
    Great blog, continue the good work!

  6. 7 Sondra April 13, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    There is definately a great deal to learn about
    this subject. I love all of the points you’ve made.

  7. 8 mobile games April 15, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    Great article. I am facing some of these issues as well..

  8. 9 форекс тренд May 26, 2014 at 8:02 pm

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  1. 1 Because men think objectifying a woman is natural « Why intelligent women read romance novels. Trackback on March 10, 2010 at 9:01 pm

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