Archive for March, 2010

Because men think they can buy women

In the news today there is another story of a man who gives a woman he is having sex with a large sum of money then gets angry when he finds out that she has gone back to her old life as a sex worker.

I mean really!

I hear men say all the time that women only want money. Then no one is more surprised than them when they give women money and it doesn’t ‘get’ them.

New flash! Money only buys you SEX! It doesn’t buy you love and companionship. I’m not saying that they’re aren’t women out there who will take your money happily if you have deluded yourself that this is possible – I’m just saying they don’t really love you.

Men have got to get this through their heads. Almost always, what men really mean when they say women only want money is  – I’ve only ever gone for women out of my league and the only thing I can think of that explains why they don’t want me is I don’t have enough money.

I know Hugh Hefner has grotesque looking Barbie’s types and you can point the finger and say “see- all about money” but I am telling you, it isn’t the money , it is what they can get (boob jobs) with the money and so far, with the exception of one, they have all left him anyway. (Because like as if any woman, no matter how brainless, would really stay with Hugh Hefner)

Please gentlemen, learn the lesson. Women are not just after money any more than you are just after big tits. Sure, you like the look of it when you see it, but when big tits has put on some weight, is bitching about where you were last night, and is demanding you give up your internet porn, you’re going to start looking elsewhere.

It’s the same with women and rich men.

In romance novels one of the most common themes is of the woman who falls for the man and then finds out he is wealthy, when she didn’t think he was. In fact, this theme is so common, that it is very hard to write now, because it is a cliché. You can learn a lot from this. Women like to have money, no doubt about it, but higher on the scale for them is true love.

BuyTake It as It comes here…



Because women pretend they like sex more than actually doing it

“When you get married you never have sex again. It’s true! It’s one of the secrets that no body tells you.” Sally from When Harry met Sally.

Get a group of women together who start to talk about their relationships and their sex life, and I guarantee you’ll get a ‘Sex and the City’ style of conversation.

Women always talk and act like they like sex and want a lot of it.

A woman will say “I’m not that keen on him going down on me” and other women in a ten-mile radius will see this as the perfect opportunity to one-up her and proclaim to the entire world how much they love sex and how much they just can’t get enough of him “going down on me”.

However when it comes to long-term relationships, mysteriously, the sex part disappears, even though the claim that they love it remains. It must be enormously confusing for their partners is they hear their women during this conversation.

You will often hear women say “I need a lot of sex”, however when it comes to their day, sex is very low on the list and occurs more as a job they have to do for their mate.

Now there is no doubt that a lot of this has to do with their partners not being that great in bed. I can understand people not wanting to have sex if it means they have to put out and get so little back . However, as we have seen before on this blog, I do think there is a requirement on the part of a woman to be responsible for making it happen if it isn’t. Seduce the guy a little more and get him to do what you like if bed is not that hot.

Still, however, it is a mystery as to why women will still say they love sex and can’t get enough of it if it isn’t happening and if they don’t actually like what they do get.

In romance novels this is never an issue because every hero that she ends up with is the hottest guy she’s ever had and makes her totally scream in bed.

“This story is full of surprises and family secrets that will leave you wanting more.”


Because men don’t understand why a woman asks for advice and then won’t take it

‘She’ll ask for your advice

Your reply will be concise

She’ll listen very nicely

Then go out and do precisely what she wants’

Henry Higgins – My Fair lady

Asking for advice is just that. Asking for advice.

It always seems to astonish men when women ask for advice and then do something different. This is primarily because men don’t know what asking for advice is. They see it as a weakness, assuming everyone should be born knowing everything already. When it comes to advice they never ask for it, nor do they take it.

So it comes as a delight when a woman does ask for advice, because they have a chance to 1) impart their genius (which they love) and 2) give her direction (which they also love).

But it isn’t like that for women. Women ask for advice because they are weighing things up. And here is a scary thing to know. Often, they don’t actually want nor need the advice. They are really summing you up over a certain issue. So for men, when a woman asks for some information, they assume she doesn’t know something and wants to learn. But for a woman, it’s a chance to see the other person.

Deep inside every man is a belief that he is a genius (we have seen this before) so it is perfectly natural that everyone who knows them should ask for their advice. It makes sense in the way they see the world. It’s not in the asking they are surprised. It is in the mulling over his advice, the weighing it up against other advice you’ve collected and then, if it isn’t the best advice received, rejecting it. This is what men can’t get their heads around.

Which leads me to another point. Men will very often happily give advice on topics they know nothing about. Because no matter how little they know, they will be absolutely sure of one thing: they know more than their woman does on the subject.

In romance novels women do ask for advice and they do take it or they don’t take it depending on the quality of the advice, and men simply say they don’t really know if they don’t. It is all clear and it is all simple. The people who give bad advice in romance novels are villains, and the baddies always get theirs in the end.


Because women expect Romeo when they act like Roseanne

So here’s the thing. You’re not going to get his best, if you don’t give your best.

The fact of the matter is, ladies, men are far more insecure than you are. Don’t argue! It is a fact. An ugly, horrible fact. Therefore, he’s not going to get hints, or subtlety. He’s too busy trying to boost his own ego. If you want Romeo, it’s much easier than you thought to get him.

However, you will have to do some work to create it.

Now before you build this man into exactly what you want, be 100% sure that Romeo is exactly what you want. Do you like his devil-may-care disdain for you? Do you like that he seems a little unobtainable despite the fact that you’re in a relationships together? If you do, then you are not looking for a Romeo.

If you really want to build something with your guy, you are going to have to put out ahead of him. That is, you will have to put aside your petty problems and work at creating this with your man. You have to employ tactics. He is simply not going to start treating you like Juliette just because you deserve it.

I know you don’t want to. I know you think you shouldn’t have to. And you are absolutely right.

But here s the thing. You are simply not going to get what you want by wishing for it, and you are especially not going to get what you want by grumbling for it. Romeo is the same as every other exciting thing in life – it has to be earned.

The first thing women have to do is act like a free wild woman. You have to be the kind of woman a man will give up his own ego for. That is a tough call, but that is what it will take to create a Romeo.

Here is the problem. Women want a Romeo, but they don’t want to work for it. They want their man to be so smitten with their beauty, or “that certain special something” (her Je nais se quoi” in French) that they don’t actually want to create something with their man – build him, mould him – what they want is to have him fall at her feet of his own accord.

In romance novels the woman is always adored without having to be anythingb other than who she is. She is not just appreciated, she is worshiped. So much so, that every hero is just a little bit obsessive, and a little bit over protective.


Because men think a woman is chasing them when she isn’t

We’ve talked before about men not being able to flirt and thinking women are always hitting on them. These things combined come back to one basic premise – men think a woman is chasing them, when she isn’t.

If a woman thinks a man is attractive and approaches him to find out more about him, she steps into an emotional minefield of games, innuendo, and psychic stalking all of which she will be blamed for.

It doesn’t matter if her approach is casual, it doesn’t matter if she was a little tipsy and looked his way once too often, it doesn’t matter if she’s going through a bad patch and for a few days entertained the possibility of dating him, a man will assume she’s a stalker. he will assume she is besotted with him, he will assume she can’t resist his charms and he will ignore all evidence to the contrary that she may actually be at the birthday party for the person having the birthday, rather than just trying to bump into him.

In fact, the length and breadth of evidence that men are willing to ignore in favour of their assumptions is nothing short of astonishing. If she’s out with friends and she accidently bumps into him, he will assume it was deliberate, even though he had told no one where he was going that night. If she’s polite, she’s coming on strong; if she’s rude, she’s angry and frustrated that he won’t sleep with her; and if she ignores him she’s obviously burying her real feelings and anyone can see through it.

This is really the key to the point here. If a woman is partially attracted to a man, sometimes she will go out of her way to ‘bump’ into him. However all that is required on his part is to be a little cool and a woman’s carefully built lack of self-esteem will take over and do the rest for him. Those truly mad women who really follow you around (totally without encouragement of any kind) are very rare, despite the fact that every single man believes he has had one.

Put a group of men around beers at a pub and casually introduce the topic, and I guarantee at least half of them will have a long-winded story about the mad woman who wouldn’t leave them alone, that they couldn’t get rid of no matter what. You will have to pretend to be convinced by the shaking of heads, the sorrowful look and the protestations of “No no… It’s really scary when it happens. It isn’t flattering at all.”  But it’s the sparkle in the eye, the keen way the story is told and the flush of the cheek that I’ve away how much he loves that he had a stalker.  Of course, one of the main offender s in the perpetrating of these stories are the women who really do want to sleep with the man who is bragging about it, and therefore are keen to put down any other woman in a ten-mile radius that may be a competitor.

In romance novels a man is only interested in his own opinion. If he likes a girl, he will go for it. Everything else is incidental and gets handled appropriately as you g along. There is no need for a self-esteem shot from some poor woman who happened to catch your eye as she walked past.


Because women turn casual sex into something it never was

One of the complicated social scenarios we have created for ourselves (that has nothing to do with our survival – it’s pure social construct) is the way we deal with casual sex.

In our culture, if a man has casual sex, it enhances his reputation. The more women he sleeps with, the more he “looks like a man.”

However, in a crazy anomaly, for women it is the opposite (so one assumes society expects all these men to be having casual sex with each other) so that women are forced to deal with rumours and innuendo as soon as she sleeps with anyone. The ridiculous solution that women have come up with to this problem is to try to force relationship somehow.

Women are exactly the same as men. Sex is all about power and social conquest. However the path to success is far more difficult for women than it is for men. For woman, the ultimate conquest is when you have casual sex with a man; your self-esteem is very dramatically tied to his desire for you after. That is the ultimate conquest for a woman. So, you have the unfortunate end of the stick, where people are impressed by you if the man becomes desperate for more.

Of course, this almost never happens. And the woman is inevitably drawn into trying to attract a man she wasn’t very interested in initially. She is forced to pursue something she doesn’t want simply because of her self-esteem.

Women have to stop this. The only way to win a game that is designed for you to lose is to stop playing it. Women have got to do their own internal work – read Anais Nin, Pauline Reage and Catherine Millet. Work yourself out, and decide how you want to experiment with casual sex. Then and ONLY then, go and indulge in it. Remain in control and when it is over – it is OVER. Walk away. Save all that wonderful deep emotional intensity for the gorgeous nice guy at work who has been putting in the hard yards to ask you out for ages.

In romance novels the rules of casual sex are never the way they are in the real world. People who indulge in it never get to be the stars or the central characters. Men who indulge in casual sex always have their heads turned by the woman of their dreams. THIS is the only place you are allowed to indulge those sorts of fantasies.

Because men think it’s a game when a woman says she’s leaving

“And I wanted you to know

That I never understood.

That although you said you’d go

Until you did, I never thought you would.”

Don McLean

A wonderful young man I know well came to me once and said that he was worried about his wife. He said she seemed very distracted and she was carrying on about leaving and silly things like that. She seemed unhappy. We talked for a while and then he went home to her when he’d talked his frustration out.

A week later she left him and a week after that he was back in my lounge room, drinking much stronger drink than beer this time, saying over and over again “no warning. Absolutely no warning!”

This happens all the time. Men think when a woman says she is deeply unhappy that it is a game and the appropriate response is to treat it like she’s said something foolish or she is just being dramatic. In fact that is the usual response. Men just think its dramatics when a woman says that she is so unhappy she thinks she may leave. At least they prefer to think its dramatics than to address the possibility she may actually leave.

These days it is easier for a woman to leave. She usually has her own money and she can mobilise friends to help her out. She’s not as sure a bet as she used to be. The response you’re supposed to have is one of desire to do the right thing to keep her happy. If you worked harder at keeping her happy she will stay.

Pretending she is just never going to go is simply denial.

In romance novels the women never threaten to leave and they never go. One simple reason why. Their needs are being met.

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