Archive for May, 2010

Because men claim superiority through falsehoods

We have had so many of them. Lies that have traveled through the ages and they are all supposed to keep men at the top of the ladder, above women and children.
 
Here is my top ten list of the lies men tell to convince themselves and everyone else they are at the top of the pecking order:
 
1. God is a man
 
2. God made women second (to be a helper to the man)
 
3. Men can make a baby in their 80’s just as well as they can make a baby in their 20’s
 
4. Men are analytical / women are emotional and this is in the brain fuction of each sex (Analytical is superior to emotional)
 
5. Attractive women who are raped asked for it (and rape was once the natural way of procreation – that one really is a doosey)
 
6. Men are good at maths and sciences. Women are good at english and cooking
 
7. Even though men tradionally go out and work all day and women stay home, we still say the woman works for the man
 
8. Woman’s greatest pleasure comes from having a baby
 
9. Men naturally want more than one woman
 
10. Testosterone makes you aggressive (science has just this year found this to be false)
 
Within each of these lies is an intricate web of deciet that extends beyond opinion to habit, and trough to legislation. Some of the above myths are still defended today and many of them are still part of the popular culture. All of them are designed to make men feel superior to every other creature on the planet.
 
I think the problem here is male self esteem really. If they need lies this extensive and need to build entire civilizations around them, there is a serious problem. A friend of mine and I were watching a program on the full covering that some Muslim women wear one day. As we watched the women walking around dressed head to tow in black, not even a glimpse of their eye possible, my friend said “Man, they must be so afraid of their women.”
 
And so it is. All of the above mythologies are based on attemtps to counteract fear.
 
In romance novels, because they are written by women, the men simply don’t have the above problems. Women don’t properly understand this, as they tend to buy into the culture of lies and muddle their way through. So the men in romance novels are bastions of strenght and power and might.
 

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Because young women never think they are going to get old

This is actually a problem for both sexes, but while we live in a society that punishes women for getting old, women really have to come to terms with the fact that their cuteness isn’t going to last forever.
 
there is little in the world more pathetic than the cute 55-year-old women using coquetry to navigate her way through social situations. Just observe next time you are out with a large group of older people. Watch the women use childish flirting techniques (batting the eye, giggling, squealing, shining eyes) to curry favour with men mostly but also with women.
 
Worse however, even than this, is the attitude of younger women, who use their looks to get thing that they want. And this is happening far more often than you realise. I know that beauty means power for a woman, but the thing about that is it also means you will lose your power. As soon as someone looking at you no longer sees you are desirable, you lose everything you gained. This places the beautiful person in a very dangerous position, and usually results in women desperately trying to look younger than they really are. 
 
Women – and I mean YOUNG women – really have to learn to get power from other sources such as control over ones finances, career and self-love. The more you can do this when you are young, the stronger and more powerful you will be when your looks start to fade. And considering most people live into their 80’s these days, and many “men’s blogs” still preach women are starting to lose it at 25 years old, that’s a hell of  a lot of powerless years you’re looking at.
 
Of course, young women, like young men, never think they’re going to get old. Every woman still goes through deep shock when she starts to see lines appearing on her face that she never thought she would get. Older women look like that because they don’t take care of themselves, they don’t work out enough, they eat too much fat, they are too stressed blah blah blah she thinks. If a younger woman even contemplates about the issue that deeply, she simply can’t imagine her face with the signs on aging on it.
 
Evidence of this lies in the numbers of younger self-satisfied women you see strutting down the street, taking pleasure from admiring glances from men (or starting at themselves endlessly in every reflective surface even though they are in public) and in the enormous amounts easily extorted from women by cosmetic companies delivering the anti aging promise.
 
In romance novels women come in all different shapes and sizes and ages. Deep down every woman, no matter how young, takes pleasure in the hope that one day her looks won’t matter, and lives with desperate fear she won’t have anything to replace them. Romance novels always assure her that in the end, her looks won’t be the most important thing. And that’s another reason intelligent women love them so much.
 

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Because men pretend to take leadership but really don’t

One of the greatest disappointments for a little girl growing up, is the day she realises that her father isn’t actually in control of himself or his job and he is not what we have been brought up to belive a man ought to be.

At that point in her life she will usually start to look to other men. This is a natural process – all children have to come to terms with the fact that their father or mother aren’t super heros. It is part of the natural growing up and separation process. the idea is, one goes out into the big wild world and finds the mate who can replace that idealistic vision you had of the parent.

This usually works quite well for me because they are able to turn a woman into their mother faster than you can blink an eye.

However it does not work so well for women. Women come to men, subservient, willing and completely ready to be totally dependant, adoring and faithful, only to find he does not want that in a woman. however, if she dared to act independent, strong and free, he’d get threatened and not want to see her anymore.

What women have to realise is that men want to FEEL like they are the essential one, without actually having to be the essential one. They don’t want to be te real leaders, they just want to boss their women around, and feel like a big man while doing so.

Men mistake leadership for getting their own way all the time. They will pretend that when they bark opinions and orders at the woman in their life or even their children, that it is because they really know best, but most men understand that this is not accurate, and that honest and open consultation will get them further and create more solutions to any issue.  However, they don’t get the satisfaction of being the one in control. And when it comes to leadership, the ego boost is really what they are after.

In romance novels, men live up to the stereotype despite the fact that it is forever out of the reach of the common man. The tragedy of machismo is that it is an unreachable star, but in the wonderful world of romance, we can dream dream dream that this sexy man exists, and in the wonderful world of erotic romance, we can make love to him. Yum.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because women get plastic surgery on their vaginas

So many different things have been blamed for this  – porn being the top of the blame list – but I really think you can’t go past blaming women for this one.

I mean, the frist question is why? Why on EARTH would you do something like this?

If its fo self-esteem, you’d be better to see a shrink. If it’s for feeling or stimulation, you’d still better see a shrink. And if it’s for the man, then you REALLY had better see a shrink.

I really have to ask, is there a man alive that will be engaged in sex with a woman he’s attracted to, and stop, reverse, and leave the room if he gets to undressing her and finding out she hasn’t had reconstructive surgery on her vagina?

The scary thing about this, is that the procedures women are having done, don’t actually make them look more like a porn star. A porn star with giant fake breasts has a more “female” looking vagina than these post operative women.

That means they are not getting it done for their man. In the majority of the cases, the women cite improved self-esteem as the reason for getting it done. They can only feel good about themselves if a surgeon trims away any of their unsightly bits. (shudder) I really don’t think porn and men can be blamed for this one.

In erotic romance novels there is one common thread, one line that you can always count on being uttered, and that is the one where the hero compliments his woman on her vagina.

www.barbranovac.com

Because it never occurs to men that she might not want them

“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.”  Mr Collins – Pride and Prejudice

Women don’t understand this about men.

As soon as a woman gets her power – that is as soon as she realises she can achieve without a man – she learns how to be fussy about what man she goes with. Prior to gaining her power, she will be far less fussy. (This is the REAL reason men prefer younger women. It has nothing to do with biology or looks. The powerless female is the only one they can stand up to.)

However, even though this is the case, men still can’t understand women who don’t want them.

The sense of entitlement men achieve from an early age, makes them see women as conquests, objects, potential possessions. Even the most enlightened male will have his moments of seeing women this way. This doesn’t make it natural, any more than the desire to live on ice cream and chocolate is natural, but it is a very strong feeling.

If a woman rejects a man, it is shocking to him deep down, and something he can’t get his head around. Rejection is usually seen as a challenge, as a coy attempt to get him to try harder to win her affections. However, rejection is often sugar-coated because a woman is trying to get out of a situation with a little pain inflicted on either party as possible. Men are usually too stupid to see this, and assume she is still undecided even though she is saying she is not interested.

After all, she couldn’t actually be rejecting him.

We are almost at the time in the world where the old men who still think women belong to them is almost past. Soon they will only be bothering other ghosts. However, some younger men with this attitude (you will usually find them on a sports field of some kind) are trying to preserve the idea that every woman belongs to them whenever they feel like her, so we may have to wait a few more decades for this dull behaviour to pass away.

In romance novels men are like this as well, except they are never the hero and they will always come to some horrific bitter end. Yeah!

www.barbranovac.com

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Because women can’t face Ex’s

“I don’t want to be friends with my Ex.
It’s like a testament to your failed relationships.
For me its like ‘We didn’t work out, I need to never see you again.”
 Miranda – Sex and the City
(This pic is taken fromthe HBO website which can be acessed here.)
 
If its true that men never let go – in that they always think there is ‘something’ between him and his Ex (like she still belongs to him really) then the opposite is also true – that women can’t let go in that they feel ‘affected’ by their Ex forever.
 
Women will go to unimagined lengths to avoid bumping into ex’s, from stealing party guest lists, bribing friends and faking facebook names all the way through to moving country, changing their names and lying about the birth of children. I’m not sure about you, but I think that’s a little extreme.
 Now there is the issue of how annoying it is when the ex male DOES still react to you as if he owns you, and this is one reason women turn the other way at the very sight of an Ex. However its not the most prevailing reason.
 
For women, the repeated bumping into the Ex is the reminder that her relationship failed.
 
As long as women judge their self worth and take their power from their relationships, they will continue to feel as though it is a personal affront when they don’t work out. They will continue to see them as failures, rather than delightful bus stops on the highway of their life.
 
This one strikes a chord with me. I have Ex’s that I never see, I have two Ex’s that I see because they have both worked really hard to calm me down so they can stay in my life and I have an Ex that I bump into endlessly who never sees me because I see him first.
 
Even after writing this post, even when I feel more and more confident in my life and my choices, even as I get prouder and prouder of my accomplishments, I will still hide behind a bunch of lowers in the local grocer when I next spot that particular Ex walking down the street toward me.
 
So maybe I’m wrong about the reasons? Maybe we just don’t want to stand in front of someone whose seen us naked?
 
In romance novels Ex’s are usually done away with in convenient ways because they are always, without exception, evil beyond compare. Come to think of it, If you heard me discuss my Ex’s in public, you’d probably think they were all evil beyond compare. Maybe that’s the real reason we don’t want to bump into our Ex’s and another reason we love romance novels so much.
 
 

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Because men think putting your life in danger is brave

Putting your life in danger is very rarely brave.

In a culture that has a strange and disjointed relationship with death, there are fewer opportunities to engage with death than men think.

There are very few people in our western culture – if any – who are actually in touch with their own impending death. If you are religious in any way, you think there is an afterlife and death is not the end.  Even if you are not religious at all, it is not until much later in life and the physical manifestation of some evidence that we even start to think we may die. Till then it is all denial.

Therefore, most of the young men doing death-defying acts, don’t think they are going to get hurt. 

Which is my point.  Really, when you have no reality around death; when it’s all a theory and you don’t think it will ever happen to you, bungee jumping or rapid surfing isn’t actually a brush with death.  Therefore, it isn’t that brave. So all those teenage boys in cars driving at full pelt after three am are not brave. They’re stupid.

My top five things that men do that they think are brave that are really just stupid are:

1. Bungee jumping

2. Shark Diving

3. Racing street cars late at night on public roads

4. skateboarding down main busy streets

5. Rock diving

And that’s just a few of the dumb things many guys will go through in order to look “brave” to their mates.

 In romance novels the men / heres are always confronted by real problems, real dramas, real possibility of death, so heroism is real and people fear consequences enough to be careful.  Women understand this sort of heroism and respond to hit with great affection. Extreme go-cart racing however, does not get them in the same way.

 www.barbranovac.com

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