Because women use sex to boost their self esteem

I’ve visited this idea in other ways on this blog, but it still strikes me as a difficult one. 

I went to see Catherine Millet at the writers festival recently. This is a woman made famous by documenting her experiences as a libertine.  As anyone who reads my FB and other blog (www.barbrawrites) will know, I am a very big fan of Catherine Millet.

However, she said something that stuck with me. She said sleeping with so many men when she was young was useful because she hadn’t accomplished much in her life, and it was a way of gaining credibility in a sophisticated world before she had achieved anything academic.

And in a burst, I saw the younger women around me in a different way.

Sleeping with a lot of men gives you access to a certain kind of image you might not normally have access to. Women who sleep around rarely (if ever) keep it to themselves. there are usually a lot of “girls nights” where their exploits are told in varying amounts of detail. This is to titillate the listens and to inspire envy in other women. I do think this as a lot to do with women sleeping around when they’re young. We’ve always known it was because of low self-esteem, but I hadn’t thought it might be to impress other women.

And yet, I think it is.

Of course, this isn’t healthy. If you have low self-esteem, you are likely to choose people who just want you for your body, dump you very fast, have no respect for you or worse treat you like crap when they’ve finished. Of course this happens to many younger women. Caring men aren’t necessarily picking up this easily or this fast. And this young woman has to get in and out (so to speak) because she’s got friends to tell.

I have already mentioned women are very competitive. When a woman is leaving her friend on the beach to go and shag a guy she just met, then come back thirty minutes later  – it’s the friend she’s showing off to. Not the guy!

Women don’t dress to impress men – they dress to out-do other women. It’s the same with the wild lifestyle and sexual “freedom”. It’s the women she’s making herself bigger than.  If you want more evidence, check out what sort of feelings it inspires in her friends?

In romance novels the heroines almost always have low self-esteem,  but it is solved by the arrival of a Roman God (literally) who turns up and rescues her from herself, all the while panting for her affection and swearing she’s she greatest thing he’s ever experienced.

www.barbranovac.com

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3 Responses to “Because women use sex to boost their self esteem”


  1. 1 izziedarling June 9, 2010 at 12:08 am

    I so agree with the dress to impress statement; have never thought about the sex in the same vein but I do think this might be true as well. Thanks for making me think.

  2. 2 Barbra Novac June 10, 2010 at 12:07 am

    Pleasure! I will watch women for a while and see if it fits, but it is an intreguing idea. It’s like jealousy. Jealousy is about being envious of our partners fun when they’re with someone else – not that we might lose them. We are envious that they are having all the fun, while we are not. I find that a facinating concept as well.
    Barbra
    xx

  3. 3 Jon July 8, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    I think there is some truth to this.


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