Archive for the 'Men' Category

Blog Change: A whole new look

Well, you haven’t been seeing any new posts for a while, because I have been working hard on web design. I have a new layout, and a new look.

I will leave this blog up for a little while longer, but none of the new posts will be added here. All the posts have been moved to the new site, however, and while it may take me a while to organise it, your old favourites can be found there. I regret to say I lost the valuable comments from many of you in the transfer and would love it if you cold leap over there and add some to the new layout.

For more exciting and fun reasons why women read romance novels, please go to:

www.intelligentwomenreadromance.com

Thanks

Barbra

Because men like to write on public spaces

Tagging, my son calls it.

That weird thing that used to be called graffiti. Now, when I talk about men having a bizarre desire to write things (usually their “tag” which is actually their “name” which is stupid enough  in itself) I am not talking about “street art”. Street art for me is that things Banksy does, or Shepard Fairey or Invader (although it is worth noting these are all men as well). I am talking about that non-art-non-creative defacing of public property that ranges from the changed funny street sign to the dirty words written on park benches.

Now women have been known to carve their boyfriends initials into tree trunks… sometimes accompanied by their own and a heart… but that is about the end of it. This tends to be one of those blokey things.

Those who try to philosophise and glamorize graffiti will usually try to claim authenticity by being anti-establishment. Its status as anti-establishment comes from two main points. The first that it is illegal to deface public property (for some, this gives them ‘street cred’) and secondly, it is thought to be associated with gangs and it isn’t and this gives the graffiti artists a kind of defiant legitimizing; Their total sense of actualisation comes from being misunderstood as something else. (In other words – they will have to continue to be misunderstood in order for them to ‘exist’)

Actually, graffiti is one of those ‘college boy’ acts of subversion like DJ’ing and doing lines at a party. These are banal, conformist acts of ‘subversion’ that are only shocking to middle class white boys who long to be mistaken as tough, wild and most of all free. graffiti is actually a rather ho-hum way of expressing oneself, unless real talent is applied – as in the case of the aforementioned artists – and lets face it, how often does that happen?

In romance novels if men feel the need to be subversive they usually do it properly. They take on an enormous challenge, or as is often the case in romance, they are fighting off the terrifying enemy. there is no need to rush off to perform acts that represent subversion just because they are in college doing exactly what mummy and daddy wanted them to do.

www.barbranvoac.com

Because men think stupid is cool

There are some things that men do that women will simply never understand. The best we can hope for is that evolution will take care of eliminating these things over time.

the things I am talking about are those male-centred attributes, objects or pastimes that make no logical sense but that men will defend their right to be, like or perform. It’s not so much the object itself, or the behaviour – its more men’s total fascination with the thing. A fascination that leads them to thinking it is cool, when it most certainly is not.

here is my to ten list of the stupid things that men think are cool:

10) tanks (hello! Tanks are NOT cool)

9) driving dangerously (self explanatory)

8 ) backseat driving (men call this giving instruction)

7) peeing contests / peeing everywhere (!)

6) killing animals (this one is dying out thank god)

5) belching in public (gross)

4) knowing twenty different way’s to open a beer bottle (really, this is NOT cool)

3) soggy sao contests (ummmm…. like REALLY this is NOT cool)

2) making fun of others in public when you are embarrassed (we can see through you)

and the number one is

1) farting in public.

In romance novels none of the above appear.

http://www.barbranovac.com

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Because men will reject a woman for what drew her to him in the first place

It was Socrates who said the unexamined life was not worth living.

A man.

And yet men lives the most unexamined of lives, generally and have a lot of trouble taking responsibility for

One of the most common of these are the men who will be attracted to a certain kind of woman, and then reject her when they grow to realise that what they liked about her was not what they liked in the first place. This will particularly happen in the area of women who need men.

Inevitably – in fact i will go as far as to say without exception – when men are drawn to women because they want to rescue them, eventually they will get rid of  the woman for exactly those same reasons.

Despite all the stereotypes, men can’t stand it when a woman relies on them. They resent women who are clingy and needy, and who demand that he be strength for both of them. Oh sure, he can do it when she is scared of the spider in the corner, or if she doesn’t want to change the lightbulb. When short bursts of masculinity are required, he loves the feeling of being a ‘man.’ However when a sustained support is expected of him, he will either run for the hills or jeopardise the situation in other ways.

And yet, these kinds of women get men easily and frequently. Especially if she’s pretty, they will toss logic out the window and fall at he feet of the helpless woman. And they will do it happily without any thoughts to the consequences or without any recognition of that little voice inside of him that tells him he won’t like her in the morning. A crying woman, a woman who can’t change a tyre, a woman wo can’t read a map – these are all the women men will fall over themselves to help. They are all the women he will walk out on when she throws tantrum number twenty, abandon with flat tyres and make fun of in public about her not being able to read a map.

Men need to realise – and perhaps and examined life would do this – that women who employ these kinds of tactics to get your attention will always use these kinds of tactics. If they understood that, they may be able to prevent themselves from getting into some pretty ugly messes.

In romance novels men are men. they don’t mind if she is weak and needy. If he loves her, he will simply be there for her no matter what. But for women, the heroine is as important as the hero, and so none of the women are needy or manipulative in this fashion anyway.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men think hurting yourself needlessly means something

I have discussed on this blog before men’s peculiar habits and the strange meanings they attach to them. 
 
however there are few stranger than the actions that are taken in the name of machismo.
 
Lets look at a few of them:
 
– Doing outrageous stunts on bikes
– turbo charging a skateboard
– cliff diving
– running in front of stampeding bulls
– attempting impossible stuns on ramps
– wrestling snakes and crocodiles 
– riding bulls
 
The show that properly represents these incredibly foolish acts is Jackass. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t defend Jackass. The amazing thing is not so much the defence (after all, this is a blog defending the right to read romance novels) it is more the meanings attacked to the acts themselves. They have a sort of love for machismo. Even though the behaviours of the shows hosts are foolish, there is something very special and brave about it.
 
A more serious treatment of a similar subject occurs in the book Fight Club. In this book the self-abuse is definitely seen as a kind of machismo; a reaching into the depths of oneself for a meaning that is never there and can’t ever be there – but you come out of it a man.
 
In romance novels men are heroes the hard way. By choosing to take a stand and then taking that stand. they fight for who they are and they fight for their women and their loved ones and their principles. They are not men who are so filled with nothing that even stupidity makes them feel more like men.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men expect power without having to be powerful

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Men love power. They say it is to impress women, but that is about as accurate as the theory that women dress to impress men. Men want power for the same reason women want to look good. to make the others of their sex jealous. To ‘prove’ that they have come first.

So what is a powerful person? Almost every philosophy or theology you will ever read agrees it starts with self-mastery. However, men have missed this point. For them, power resides in the strength of their punch and the quality of their lie.

It is true that men are getting better at resisting the punch. There are very few men in our culture who would defend hitting a woman or a child. there are even men who would resist hitting another man, no matter how much he challenged him to a ‘duel.’

However it is very rare – even in this day and age – to see a man working very hard to improve himself.

Oh, he may want to take more courses in his chosen career path. Or he may be into business books and motivational books. However, how often do you really see a man attempting to practise self-mastery?

And I don’t necessarily mean quitting smoking or losing weight. I mean real self mastery. Like learning how to be nicer to his wife, spend time with the children, and above all fight the ego drives that encourage him to dominate and control every situation, usually to the absolute detriment of all his long terms plans.

Men have largely gotten where they are by mateship and camaraderie. Women know this, because we have so much trouble getting through the ‘glass ceiling’ and being paid the same for equal work. In only very rare exceptions do you see men getting somewhere through intense self-examination, life changing decisions and a challenging of their own ego. It is a very rare man who will not argue  in FAVOUR of his precious ego. Why? Because it is the very key that convinces other men to elevate him, or get him something that he wants. His bravado is far more powerful amongst the world of the powerful (that is other men) because if there is one thing men want to see, it is the lasting enduring power of bravado. They will elevate each other and promote the most useless human being, all in the name of keeping the faith in their egos alive.

In romance novels all the heros are powerful. And they are that good old-fashioned kind of powerful. they are powerful in that they self examine and they allow themselves to grow. Usually they will allow themselves to be transformed by the love of their fine woman. And tat is another reason why women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com

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…here’s the ad mentioned in the post below.

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