Archive for the 'Men' Category



Because men have no sense of humour

There was an ad campaign in this country a few years back that was very successful. It’s task was to encourage men (younger men particularly) to slow down. Several shots of men racing off at lights or speeding to impress girls, were met with witnesses holding up their pinkie fingers in response. This symbol indicates the witness things the guy must have a really small dick in order to be acting that way.
 
After the ad was on for a while, a report aired on the radio of a distressing case of road rage. A man attacked a woman’s car with a baseball bat on a freeway while she was sitting in it, smashing windscreen, back window and making large dents in her bonnet. When he had to face a judge in court over the incident, the man cited as a genuine defence, she’d held her small pinky finger up at him when he’d cut her off in heavy traffic.
 
Can I tell you? Men can’t take a joke.
 
Guys, if you’re gonna put the whole ‘aggressive-im-better-than-you’ thing out there these days, you gotta expect a little backlash.No one is falling for dragging at lights, two-wheel corners or mufflers that don’t work. The chicks your going to pull are the ones you are embarrassed to be seen with – trust me.
 
Driving dangerously has got to be one of the most stupid, ‘shit-for-brains’ way of attracting mucho attention ever. this went out with the 50’s greasers. please get it through your head that public roads are not the place for extreme sport.
 
Or, at least if you HAVE to do it, understand that you will be made merciless fun of, with no apology forthcoming no matter how much you sulk.
 
For your information, the man who cited the small finger joke as justification for his outrage, was fined, had to pay court costs, and had to pay to fix the woman’s car.
 
In romance novels men use their ‘mucho birthright’ to fight off villains and evil vampires, werewolves, bad counts, dukes earls and cousins. They never, ever use their powers for bullshit because women writers know, that inspires incredulity and mountains of jokes.  And justifiably so.
 

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Because when men don’t want sex it is considerd cool

I just watched ‘The Hurt Locker” which was …. well… it was another war movie.
 
But one of the things that struck me in it, was when men isolate themselves in sexless situations, it always has an element of “cool” or something beyond their so-called massive sexual drive. When a man leaves his wife and places himself in a war situation where (supposedly – lets not even get started on that one) it is a sexless situation, it is seen as really cool and STILL really “masculine”.
 
This tells me that even stronger than the drive to hyper-sexualise every female in order to define masculinity, is the desire to reject every female in order to define masculinity.
 
Could you have the same kind of film with a female character? Yes, but she has to be a man – G.I. Jane is a good example – but even so it would never get the same cred that a film about a man rejecting a woman and sex in favour of …. an addiction, or power, or some other non-existent male fantasy, generates.
 
There is still something very ‘cool’ about a man who rejects his woman. Or sex, as this film indicates at the end.
 
Yes, we all know the main character is messed up, but who amongst us can really honestly say there wasn’t a measure of admiration for him also?  A desire to “be” him in some way. A need to emulate?
Ultimately, his power comes from his choice of certain death over sleeping with the mother of his child. (It is worth noting that there was a great deal of criticism for this film from men who actually performed the tasks depicted in the film. Particularly the lead character was cited by The Air Force Times as precisely the kind of person who would never get the job.)
 
If women reject sex they are considered prudes or gods police. They get described in ways that implies their vaginas and wombs shrivel up. Yet, when a man rejects it, it’s cool and he’s some sort of super hero.
 
Sex is supposed to be a thing of incidental pleasure to a man. In one conversation its a driving force (that is when he’s in a domestic situation, he is unnaturally driven by his desire to fuck everyone other than his partner) and in other situations it is an aggressive pastime he will engage in off to the side of his real life goal (that is when he is in a position of some importance). For women, sex is supposed to be the centre of their life. That is being available for it at any time. She’s no hero if she rejects it. (Even Beatrix Kiddo’s main enemy is the man she slept with)
 
In romance novels sex is an integral part of all the hero and heroines lives because love – the kind of love Shakespeare talks about in Anthony and Cleopatra  – the love that frees both man and woman from stereotypes – is the ultimate goal and healing energy for all human creatures. Men and women are fighting themselves to get to each other; and this is another one of the reasons women love romance novels  so much.

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Because older men get jealous of younger men

This one bot sexes are guilty of, but what interests me particularly is the way envy of those younger manifests itself. With women it manifests as insecurity.

Wirth men, envy of the young manifests itself as denial.

Older Men will compete with the younger man in ruthless blood-letting ways, even when the younger man is his own son, and even when the son is under six.

There is almost nothing men fear as much as the faster, younger man.

But as I have said above, this fear extends even to their own child. I have seen this time and time again. Once a boy hits ten, his father will start to turn. It will be slight things initially, a faint rebuttal when the boy wants comfort, slightly rougher than usual rough-housing, and the teasing might go in a little too long if the boy catches fewer baskets than his dad. 

Men have tried to justify this behaviour with the “old bull / young bull” theory. You know the one. That the old bull has his herd of cows, and the younger bull wants in, so the too have to fight it out to see who is going to get the herd. This is an interesting theory except for two glaring problems. The young boy never wants to be a rival to his dad and is attacked into it by his mid teens when he has been so harassed he is simply lashing out. And no man, (and statistically extremely few in history) have ever owned a “herd” of women.

Of course men have never let facts get in the way of a good “scientific” theory, so why start now. Older men will continue to find justification for attacking younger men, because they are not at all ready to give the pleasure up.

In romance novels the men are NICE! they are good to their wives and better to their children. That is the ultimate fantasy man, and one of the main messages of this blog is, it is not that difficult to give a woman what she’;d like. You just have to open your eyes.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men fake caring

When you care about another person, its means you apply empathy. You put yourself in their position and you give that some thought. If you are a very good carer, you will wonder how you would react in such a situation.  And if you are a great, amazing carer, you will examine the person you are empathizing with and see if you can work out why THEY might be reacting the way they are.

Mythology implies women can do this better, easily, and with more pleasure than men. However, like the myth that states they don’t feel pain as much as men do (don’t you love that one? It’s to get around being sympathetic about the pain of child-birth) it can’t be scientifically proven because it simply isn’t true.  The reason women show more empathy is they’ve been taught how to  put themselves aside for someone else every now and then.

Men can’t understand this idea. Actually, let me re-phrase that. They certainly understand the idea well enough when empathy is NOT being shown to them. Men think that caring is about going through the motions. Or worse, offering half-baked, half-assed “solutions” till the miserable person is so offended at the trite offerings they want the man to go away. At which point he gets to shrug his shoulders, claim he tried and carry on about mens inability to empathise.

Actually, men are taught that showing too much concern for another person (even your child) is to lose a position of superiority. Exactly what superiority they’re fighting for, is not clear.  What race they’re running when they can’t feel for a six-year-old boy who is sick from a cold is not clear.  All that is clear is that if HE catches a cold (read flu – men never catch colds) then everyone else in the household must force the world to turn in the other direction to a) feel sorry for him and b) find some way for him to get better – but only after his mother finds out and comes over with soup.

It is true that too much empathy can make you avoid looking after yourself (enter the woman’s problem) however, for the most part, you’re not going to “lose” if you just put yourself to one side on rare occasions and think about how it is for someone worse off than you.

In romance novels the men are very empathic. At least they are when they are “the Hero”. Sometimes the men have to be taught about this by their women, however it is always a gratefully received lesson once learnt and it is always extremely sexy to a woman when he does finally get it.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men shout and railroad the topic to win arguements

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”

Dave Barry

When it comes to men and arguments a little goes a very long way.  Because all men secretly think they are geniuses, they will usually try to solidly this in dinner party history with the don’t-back-down n0-holes-barred dinning table argument. usually certain things are essential for the success of this. They have to care a lot about the topic, but not know very much about the topic, they have to  win and someone (preferably female) has to end in tears. Topics often go hand in hand with the amount of recreational drug consumed and are usually on nights when the man is pretty sure he wasn’t going to get laid anyway. Topics can range from the actual living conditions in Abu Graib to the real point of Diane Arbus’ art work. As long as few people know much about it, but have a strong opinion regardless, the setting is available for the man who likes to win these kinds of arguments.

When everything is in place the scene is set. Once the arguments have been going for a while and they move into the interrupting each other phase this kind of man is ready wit his weapons of choice. Do not be fooled into thinking these comments have anything to do with research, information or accuracy. They will all be conjecture, paper-thin arguments that a ten-year old child can tear their way through.

However, what their opponent does not count on is the way they can shout over the top of people, make snide comments that imply things about their opponents intelligence and cut off their opponent before they have had a chance to properly complete a sentence. With this arsenal, they can ‘win’ any argument.

I have a RL friend who is so much one of these men that he actually laments the arrival of iPhones and blackberry’s because they connect one to the net immediately and pointless arguments can be solved too rapidly with facts.

I do have to add, women are getting to be this tiresome with the onset of feminism as well. Nice how with opportunity, the oppressed pick up the bad habits of the oppressor before they work out the good.

In romance novels any man who behaved like the above would be a terrible villain and would get it in the end eventually. Just the way the world should be.

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Because men can only have great sex when it’s ugly or bad

I’ve alluded to this one a few times before on this blog, because its SUCH a doosey! We know what it’s called. It’s the Madonna / Whore complex. We know it is a problem. We know it needs to be cured.

And yet men still refuse to do anything about it.

They want their wife to be chaste, pure, and faithful, and they want the woman they have sex with to be a sleazy whore.

And belive it or not, women have fallen for this and have tried for centuries to provide both these things for their partners.

Now, I’m not 100% sure why sex between two married people can go a little stale. Sometimes there are external pressures – children, work etc. Sometimes there are health issues. For all I know monogamy may be a sure-fire way to kill sexual attraction.  I do know that it is a rare monogamous situation that doesn’t have a dry patch at some point.

Usually when this occurs, a couple will turn to pornography. And because porn is largely made to satisfy men, a woman gets turned off (and possibly deeply insecure) pretty fast.

But he will stay. And stay. And stay.

Affairs, porn, prostitution, kink, perversions – you name it.  As long as it isn’t their wife, pretty much, men will think it is sexy.  No matter how many men claim they wish their wives acted like a whore, it is their insecurities that have stopped women feeling sexually free. Madonna and the whore are each different sides of the same coin. One couldn’t exist without the other. Each would have to make a radical transformation in order to live in harmony with the other, and if that were the case, then they wouldn’t be the wife or the whore any longer.

In romance novels the women miraculously keep a highly sexually charged libido for the entire relationship and the men never get sick of them and never get soft. It’s just the way of the ultimate fantasy world. (deep sigh) Who wouldn’t want it?

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men claim superiority through falsehoods

We have had so many of them. Lies that have traveled through the ages and they are all supposed to keep men at the top of the ladder, above women and children.
 
Here is my top ten list of the lies men tell to convince themselves and everyone else they are at the top of the pecking order:
 
1. God is a man
 
2. God made women second (to be a helper to the man)
 
3. Men can make a baby in their 80’s just as well as they can make a baby in their 20’s
 
4. Men are analytical / women are emotional and this is in the brain fuction of each sex (Analytical is superior to emotional)
 
5. Attractive women who are raped asked for it (and rape was once the natural way of procreation – that one really is a doosey)
 
6. Men are good at maths and sciences. Women are good at english and cooking
 
7. Even though men tradionally go out and work all day and women stay home, we still say the woman works for the man
 
8. Woman’s greatest pleasure comes from having a baby
 
9. Men naturally want more than one woman
 
10. Testosterone makes you aggressive (science has just this year found this to be false)
 
Within each of these lies is an intricate web of deciet that extends beyond opinion to habit, and trough to legislation. Some of the above myths are still defended today and many of them are still part of the popular culture. All of them are designed to make men feel superior to every other creature on the planet.
 
I think the problem here is male self esteem really. If they need lies this extensive and need to build entire civilizations around them, there is a serious problem. A friend of mine and I were watching a program on the full covering that some Muslim women wear one day. As we watched the women walking around dressed head to tow in black, not even a glimpse of their eye possible, my friend said “Man, they must be so afraid of their women.”
 
And so it is. All of the above mythologies are based on attemtps to counteract fear.
 
In romance novels, because they are written by women, the men simply don’t have the above problems. Women don’t properly understand this, as they tend to buy into the culture of lies and muddle their way through. So the men in romance novels are bastions of strenght and power and might.
 

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