Archive for the 'Women' Category

Blog Change: A whole new look

Well, you haven’t been seeing any new posts for a while, because I have been working hard on web design. I have a new layout, and a new look.

I will leave this blog up for a little while longer, but none of the new posts will be added here. All the posts have been moved to the new site, however, and while it may take me a while to organise it, your old favourites can be found there. I regret to say I lost the valuable comments from many of you in the transfer and would love it if you cold leap over there and add some to the new layout.

For more exciting and fun reasons why women read romance novels, please go to:

www.intelligentwomenreadromance.com

Thanks

Barbra

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Because women set up fake profile personas to stalk ex’s on Facebook

Ok.. now this is another one of those posts where the men do it to. However, men have such short attention spans that they’ll give up fairly quick. They may come back and haunt you some time in the future, but stalk you for months – they just don’t have the committment to such petty projects.

However women will.

And oh, they will do it for months – even years. I have a friend (don’t we all???) who was on FB and of course some woman friended her and it turned out to be the mother of her husbands child about which she knew nothing. I think just about everyone has a story like this, or they know someone who knows someone who does.

if the woman can’t set up her fake profile to stalk the guy, she will get a friend to do it for her.

So here is the bazillion dollar question. Why? Why do this? Why subject yourself to this sort of humiliation. No matter who you are or what you look like or where you are at in life, you deserve to be with someone who likes you. Why do women get SO hung up on the guy who doesn’t want you?

And not just him, but the one who humiliated you and probably made fun of you in public (see previous post).

Women will underpay their hand when it comes to relationship. I mean think about it. How often do you see an attractive woman with a not so attractive man, then how often do you see the reverse? Women will sell out when it comes to relationships and go for the guy who is horrible to them or generally just beneath them. However, what is unthinkable is that she will pursue him relentlessly if he dump her.

Generally stalking is not just an ugly pastime, it’s also illegal in most countries. It is unhealthy and damaging to all concerned. And yet, women do it. And far more often than we like to think.

In romance novels the women are adored by men who are always deserving and often just a little obsessive, without being ugly or possessive. When men are ike this, women finally feel secure and able to get on with their day. And that is another reason women like romance novels so much.

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Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Ask any woman if she has or has had a journal, and I bet the overwhelming answer to that question will be yes. If she says no, she’s lying.

Women love journals. I have mentioned it on this blog before. They particularly like them with beautiful or interesting covers. Women like to touch them, own them and write in them but more than anything else, they like to buy them.

And what is it exactly that women do with these journals once they own them?

Wy they write down their hopes and dreams of course.

And most women’s hopes and dreams occur in the form of to do lists. That is, lists of all the things they have to do in order to become all the things they wish to be.
Women wish to be so many things. They want to be: nicer, smarter, thinner, have better skin, have better hair, have better nails, better clothes. better home, a better cook, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, better at work, better cleaner of clothes, cars and houses, better with their free time and better with their busy times.

Women want to get better at everything they do, and ultimately, the best way they can achieve this is to write it in a journal and then look at the wonderful dreams, come to life on the page.

And then that generally satisfies the yearning. Once they can see the dreams written out in black and white that satisfies the craving they had for their lives to be different.

At least for a while.

In romance novels, usually women write their hopes and dreams out in a journal and before they know it, the entire scenario has come true, but a wonderful man leaping out of the pages of a book to satisfy them, a fairy godmother providing them with the new man and the new life, or just a strange series of circumstances coinciding for them to have everything that they want. One thing you will never see in a romance novel is a long hard slog that takes most of their lives being the way dreams come true – because after all, this is about dreams, wishes and fantasies, not real life.

 And every romance reader knows it.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because women embellish their accomplishments

If men are able to get places without having to compete fairly (IE – they are rewarded in the business world all the time simply for being men) then women are guilty of making up lies about their accomplishments.
Look after the office on a Friday afternoon while the bosses are at drinks – that’s called co running the office.
Land a job with a mate when you couldn’t find work – that’s called successfully starting your own business. 
Hate dealing with facts and figures – that’s call thinking so big you lose interest in the details.
helped a creative friend one night when they were struggling with their project – that means you really should have gotten creative rights you tell your friends.
The boss tells you he was pleased with your effort – that means he went on about it all afternoon.
Talk a friend through some difficulties in the afternoon – that means everyone always comes to you with all their problems.
Drive the kids to and from school and a friends kids – that means you should have a bus or taxi licence.
 
Get the idea?
 
Women do this much worse than men. Men don’t have to do it as much because they don’t have to do as much to get the accolades that women are craving that they didn’t receive. But the women don’t want to be judged by the actual accomplishments – no they’d NEVER get rewarded if that were the case. They want to be judged on the rumours they start – not on the results they achieve. 
 
In romance novels women are happy to just be what they are because in the ideal state that is how every woman dreams it. Women, like men, are totally unprepared for dissatisfaction and therefore they prefer books where no one has to make anything up – they just live wonderful lives. 

http://www.barbranovac.com

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Because women take revenge through sex

In the ongoing ever-present conversation between men and women, it is always the men who accuse the women of being unfaithful. Women get accused of it in a way that men don’t.  I don’t mean to imply women don’t accuse men (they definitely do) but the way these infidelities are understood is very different.

The stigma attached to male infidelity is one of a basic understanding – well he’s  a male and he can’t help it.

However, when a woman does it, the stigma implies there is something intrinsically wrong with her. The story around women is muddled. Women are supposed to want sex, but love fidelity (naturally of course) or they are supposed to hate sex. Women who can’t be ‘caught’ for example are always seen as spinsters and treated as frigid.

So, there is a special place in hell reserved for the woman who cheats on her man.

As if following on from this, women will use sex as an act of revenge. Men don’t tend to do this. they will sleep with someone because they want to.  But a woman will use sex in this manner. Not all women of course, but many women will use it to pay a lover back for something that he might have done to her. And this slight can be real or imagined.

It’s hard to know if the reputation came before the behaviour. But it is not difficult to work out why women do this. It is one of the few forms of power women have, therefore it should be no surprise to anyone that they will use it.  I guess if you look at it logically, women have very few avenues available to them to take revenge. Sex is one of the few areas they are granted any sort of power.

Add to this, every man being ‘unable to resist’ every woman, and you have a power ascribed women, that although not necessarily accurate, is still heavily set in mythology.

In romance novels women don’t have sex for revenge. They have sex when they fall in love with the hero – and usually they only have sex with him, and if any one else is involved it is with the consent of both parties. If women need to take revenge out on someone they do it in more clear and constructive ways. They don’t use sex as a weapon, because they have access to other kinds of power.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because older women turn on younger women

Unfortunately the list is long and tiresome.

But here are two classic examples of women – feminists in their youth – who have turned rabidly against women in their old age.

Dr Laura Schlesinger and Bettina Arndt are just two. I could mention more, but these two women will give you a good idea of what I’m talking about. The first has written a book called “The proper care and feeding of husbands” (trying to convince women that a good meal will change their man) and the second has just written an article in the main stream Australian press claiming that an unmarried, childless female prime minister in Australia is a bad influence on women. (I kid you not)

Now, it’s not that these women aren’t entitled to their opinion. I am emphatically against misogyny, but misogyny is not as bad as refusing someone the right to speak. I may hate what they say, but I will defend their right to say it. However, both these women were feminists when they were younger (in other words – freedom was good in THEIR youth but they don’t want it for the younger women of today – or they’re jealous of how much freedom women might be gaining today) and my really big problem with this is…

Can you think of a male equivalent?

I can’t.

Can you think of a man who, now in his ‘twilight’ years is openly coming out and attacking the way younger men are living their lives? No. That’s because there aren’t any.

Now there are plenty of older men openly criticising WOMEN – they have always existed. I am talking about this bitchy snarling thing that older women do to younger women. Men just don’t do this to each other.

It seems Dr Laura left “Publicly and privately backstabbing each other” out of her list of ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives.

One of the most important thing a woman can do for herself is learn to love other women. And not just the women who are behaving in a way YOU think is appropriate. Men may not have warm feelings for every man they know, but they have an underlying respect for each other that very few women have.

A lot of this has to do with the universal hatred of women. These women are exhibiting a public hatred of women. Now, I am not against open and honest debate, but telling women that if you follow the patterns of the fifties housewife has been shown to lead women down destructive paths that are very bad for them. Laura suggests in her authors note in The Proper care and feeding of Husbands, that women wanting to go on vacation without their husbands, or wanting to refuse sex because they are upset are some how not showing concern for “the guy that goes out and slays dragons for her and their child every day”. Of course the fact that SHE has been slaying dragons for the family as well, is irrelevant.

I’m sorry, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to go on a vacation without her husband? As long as he is free to as well, I really don’t see why she has her knickers in a knot over this one.

But then that is it isn’t it? s usual there is no rationality behind any of this. it is all pumped out by some sort of latent weirdness about what they used to be when they were young and what they are now. When men get conservative in their old age, they make money and vote right-wing. When women get conservative in their old age, they attack younger women.

In romance novels the only person the heroine can rely on as much as – and sometimes more than – her hero, is the unfailing, supportive perfect best friend. Women loveingly paint this person in their books just as much as they paint the fantasy hero. She is loyal, upright and true. She doesn’t try to steal your man, she is there for you and she supports you.  And that is another reason women love these books so much.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because a woman’s expectations are forever defined by her fictitous first love

I know men are all determined to be the first love for a woman.  While I have poked fun at this in the past on this blog, there is an element of truth to the idea that if you get in very early, she will have certain feelings for you that will ruin her for all men who follow.

However, if a young man  dates her at eighteen, sixteen or even twelve, he’s probably missed the boat.

It has also been said that women’s fathers define the kind of man they will want when they are of marrying age.

Again, while the father may be around at the time these ideas are formed, all he will influence is the man she actually ends up with. this will not be the man of her dreams, this will be the one she settles for.

The man of her dreams is defined outside of the realms of reality. And trust me on this, his influence will never leave her psyche.

He might be a hero in a novel (read Mr Darcy, or Mr Rochester) he might be a famous actor (read Robert Redford or Jonny Depp) he might be a rock star( read Elvis or Kurt Cobain) or he may be the image of a fictitious dream man who, even in the represented image of him, may not be a real human being. The current manifestations of this are Edward Cullen and Jacob Black – but don’t be fooled into thinking this is a new phenomena. Remember Frankenstein was created by twenty-one year old Mary Shelly.

Women will dream forever and a day about the fictitious first love. And the more impossible, the stronger a hold he will have over her. The sweet ordinary man she will marry, and her declarations of love in front of her family and friends, no matter how sincere sounding, will always be a nod to compromise. A woman falls head over heels in love with her secret man and the flame will never be extinguished.

In romance novels you see the proof of this over and over again. the men there are designed mostly by women, and they may be very different, but one thing they have in common is they have very little to do with reality.

www.barbranovac.com

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