Posts Tagged 'blog'

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Ask any woman if she has or has had a journal, and I bet the overwhelming answer to that question will be yes. If she says no, she’s lying.

Women love journals. I have mentioned it on this blog before. They particularly like them with beautiful or interesting covers. Women like to touch them, own them and write in them but more than anything else, they like to buy them.

And what is it exactly that women do with these journals once they own them?

Wy they write down their hopes and dreams of course.

And most women’s hopes and dreams occur in the form of to do lists. That is, lists of all the things they have to do in order to become all the things they wish to be.
Women wish to be so many things. They want to be: nicer, smarter, thinner, have better skin, have better hair, have better nails, better clothes. better home, a better cook, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, better at work, better cleaner of clothes, cars and houses, better with their free time and better with their busy times.

Women want to get better at everything they do, and ultimately, the best way they can achieve this is to write it in a journal and then look at the wonderful dreams, come to life on the page.

And then that generally satisfies the yearning. Once they can see the dreams written out in black and white that satisfies the craving they had for their lives to be different.

At least for a while.

In romance novels, usually women write their hopes and dreams out in a journal and before they know it, the entire scenario has come true, but a wonderful man leaping out of the pages of a book to satisfy them, a fairy godmother providing them with the new man and the new life, or just a strange series of circumstances coinciding for them to have everything that they want. One thing you will never see in a romance novel is a long hard slog that takes most of their lives being the way dreams come true – because after all, this is about dreams, wishes and fantasies, not real life.

 And every romance reader knows it.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because when men don’t want sex it is considerd cool

I just watched ‘The Hurt Locker” which was …. well… it was another war movie.
 
But one of the things that struck me in it, was when men isolate themselves in sexless situations, it always has an element of “cool” or something beyond their so-called massive sexual drive. When a man leaves his wife and places himself in a war situation where (supposedly – lets not even get started on that one) it is a sexless situation, it is seen as really cool and STILL really “masculine”.
 
This tells me that even stronger than the drive to hyper-sexualise every female in order to define masculinity, is the desire to reject every female in order to define masculinity.
 
Could you have the same kind of film with a female character? Yes, but she has to be a man – G.I. Jane is a good example – but even so it would never get the same cred that a film about a man rejecting a woman and sex in favour of …. an addiction, or power, or some other non-existent male fantasy, generates.
 
There is still something very ‘cool’ about a man who rejects his woman. Or sex, as this film indicates at the end.
 
Yes, we all know the main character is messed up, but who amongst us can really honestly say there wasn’t a measure of admiration for him also?  A desire to “be” him in some way. A need to emulate?
Ultimately, his power comes from his choice of certain death over sleeping with the mother of his child. (It is worth noting that there was a great deal of criticism for this film from men who actually performed the tasks depicted in the film. Particularly the lead character was cited by The Air Force Times as precisely the kind of person who would never get the job.)
 
If women reject sex they are considered prudes or gods police. They get described in ways that implies their vaginas and wombs shrivel up. Yet, when a man rejects it, it’s cool and he’s some sort of super hero.
 
Sex is supposed to be a thing of incidental pleasure to a man. In one conversation its a driving force (that is when he’s in a domestic situation, he is unnaturally driven by his desire to fuck everyone other than his partner) and in other situations it is an aggressive pastime he will engage in off to the side of his real life goal (that is when he is in a position of some importance). For women, sex is supposed to be the centre of their life. That is being available for it at any time. She’s no hero if she rejects it. (Even Beatrix Kiddo’s main enemy is the man she slept with)
 
In romance novels sex is an integral part of all the hero and heroines lives because love – the kind of love Shakespeare talks about in Anthony and Cleopatra  – the love that frees both man and woman from stereotypes – is the ultimate goal and healing energy for all human creatures. Men and women are fighting themselves to get to each other; and this is another one of the reasons women love romance novels  so much.

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Because men shout and railroad the topic to win arguements

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”

Dave Barry

When it comes to men and arguments a little goes a very long way.  Because all men secretly think they are geniuses, they will usually try to solidly this in dinner party history with the don’t-back-down n0-holes-barred dinning table argument. usually certain things are essential for the success of this. They have to care a lot about the topic, but not know very much about the topic, they have to  win and someone (preferably female) has to end in tears. Topics often go hand in hand with the amount of recreational drug consumed and are usually on nights when the man is pretty sure he wasn’t going to get laid anyway. Topics can range from the actual living conditions in Abu Graib to the real point of Diane Arbus’ art work. As long as few people know much about it, but have a strong opinion regardless, the setting is available for the man who likes to win these kinds of arguments.

When everything is in place the scene is set. Once the arguments have been going for a while and they move into the interrupting each other phase this kind of man is ready wit his weapons of choice. Do not be fooled into thinking these comments have anything to do with research, information or accuracy. They will all be conjecture, paper-thin arguments that a ten-year old child can tear their way through.

However, what their opponent does not count on is the way they can shout over the top of people, make snide comments that imply things about their opponents intelligence and cut off their opponent before they have had a chance to properly complete a sentence. With this arsenal, they can ‘win’ any argument.

I have a RL friend who is so much one of these men that he actually laments the arrival of iPhones and blackberry’s because they connect one to the net immediately and pointless arguments can be solved too rapidly with facts.

I do have to add, women are getting to be this tiresome with the onset of feminism as well. Nice how with opportunity, the oppressed pick up the bad habits of the oppressor before they work out the good.

In romance novels any man who behaved like the above would be a terrible villain and would get it in the end eventually. Just the way the world should be.

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Because it never occurs to men that she might not want them

“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.”  Mr Collins – Pride and Prejudice

Women don’t understand this about men.

As soon as a woman gets her power – that is as soon as she realises she can achieve without a man – she learns how to be fussy about what man she goes with. Prior to gaining her power, she will be far less fussy. (This is the REAL reason men prefer younger women. It has nothing to do with biology or looks. The powerless female is the only one they can stand up to.)

However, even though this is the case, men still can’t understand women who don’t want them.

The sense of entitlement men achieve from an early age, makes them see women as conquests, objects, potential possessions. Even the most enlightened male will have his moments of seeing women this way. This doesn’t make it natural, any more than the desire to live on ice cream and chocolate is natural, but it is a very strong feeling.

If a woman rejects a man, it is shocking to him deep down, and something he can’t get his head around. Rejection is usually seen as a challenge, as a coy attempt to get him to try harder to win her affections. However, rejection is often sugar-coated because a woman is trying to get out of a situation with a little pain inflicted on either party as possible. Men are usually too stupid to see this, and assume she is still undecided even though she is saying she is not interested.

After all, she couldn’t actually be rejecting him.

We are almost at the time in the world where the old men who still think women belong to them is almost past. Soon they will only be bothering other ghosts. However, some younger men with this attitude (you will usually find them on a sports field of some kind) are trying to preserve the idea that every woman belongs to them whenever they feel like her, so we may have to wait a few more decades for this dull behaviour to pass away.

In romance novels men are like this as well, except they are never the hero and they will always come to some horrific bitter end. Yeah!

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men don’t know how to be masculine and nice

For some strange reason, it was decided long ago, that masculine equals cruel. There have been many excuses put forward to defend this strange behaviour. testosterone was used till it was proven that it doesn’t actually increase aggression in males. religion was used till we didn’t buy the story hat god gave men and women different gifts. Biological determinism was used until we realised that creatures can drop evolved habits in a lifetime that have outgrown their usefulness.

In the end, there is no real reason why men equate meanness with masculinity, except perhaps that they have been getting away with it for so long. Of course, such a potent force has been completely done away with in three generations. Aggression now is saved for sports jocks and low socio-economic groups.

And so the truth behind this behaviour starts to emerge.

But the best ting about the death of this is that men who are not aggressive are re defining masculinity so that men can be gentle, good to the people around them and still seen as strong. Power no longer is seen as a thing that needs to be taken. it is a thing that an individual needs to earn and then it is a tool they use to get certain things done.

Cruelty is now seen as a bi product of an unresolved issue in one’s childhood or a sign of inner weakness. People may be admired for it in the short-term still, but in the long-term it inspires a backhanded sympathy and embarrassment.

However, what is now emerging the man who is very nice, but a real wimp. I know this poor guy thinks his time has finally come, but I am afraid I am here to burst your bubble. We are looking for something new now, a new kind of man who is both powerful and has empathy for others. This does not give men blanket permission to just be passive receivers of life either.

In romance  novels men have always been portrayed as they are starting t emerge today. However, they are still power. They know that power is a thing that comes from inside them, not something they do to others. They never appear weak and pathetic because they are in control of themselves. This si how men have always been written in romance novels. Now that women have a voice and a choice, they are choosing more and more men who can be someone more like this.

www.barbranovac.com

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Ten stupid things women say

Well I promised yesterday. On this blog we tease men one day and women the next. So here today are my top ten dum things women say. Can you think of more? I bet you can. List them down below.

  1. Do I look fat in this? (Lets be very clear here. Unless you want an answer that is the same in your mind as ‘yes’ do not ask this question.)
  2. Would you sleep with her? (Same as above)
  3. Do you fantasize about other women? (he does. Just like you fantasize about other men. It is not something you need to fear.)
  4. Do you watch porn? (Why embarrass him with this revelation. Unless this is going to be followed by ‘because I have my complete set of 70’s vintage porn here with me, don’t embarrass him like this)
  5. I’m a man’s woman. (Trying to curry favour with men by putting women down is a bad move)
  6. I’d love to have a threesome with another woman and you. (unless you are REALLY bisexual and this is something you really need, don’t go there. DO NOT do this thinking you will mesmerize him with your powers of seduction)
  7. I’d really just like to stay home and look after a man right. (even if you THINK you want this, don’t say it)
  8. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. (He did)
  9. It won’t happen again. (It will)
  10. But he said he’s sorry. (Sorry doesn’t cut it unless it means it will never happen again. )

www.barbranovac.com

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Because women are afraid of whores

My dear women friends!

We have to get over our fear of sex workers.

We have to stop the Madonna / Whore complex. We can do it. It is possible, but it will take the leadership and the courage of women to change this – not the men.

I read an article recently about younger women who were losing their virginity to male sex workers (prostitutes), because they wanted to be sure their first time was safe, with an experienced male, who gave them lots of orgasms.

Now besides the obvious set up for a life time of disappointment when she goes out and has to deal with real men, I can’t see any problems with this idea. In fact, I think it is wonderful. I wish I had this idea when it was time for me to lose my virginity.

Think about it. If you have any of those “girly” issues, you don’t have to play it out with your best friend when you’re both dunk at a party – you can go and see a sex worker and see if you’re really bi.  If you’re having a slump in your love life, you and your man can go and see a sex worker or a sex working couple and watch together, or play together depending on the comfort rules you have between you.

The main thing here is, ladies, that the only way to stop the great divide between free woman and the woman who charges for her services, is to break it down ourselves. Men certainly won’t, because it is men who think that sex workers are sleazy and represent the ugliness of life. It is in the interests of misogyny to keep sex workers in the dark halls, the closed doorways and under the dimly lit street lamps. It disempowers the male paradigm if we are able to bring sex work out in the open. Can you imagine the conversations it could generate?

“You have to try my dentist – he’s the best.”

“You have to try my masseuse – he’s the best”

“You have to try my whore – he’s the best.”

In romance novels neither women nor men have any need for whores, but if they do turn up, they are treated with great respect because in romance novels there is no need for jealousy between women and whores – everyone understands each other.

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