Posts Tagged 'feminism'

Because women go back to bad relationships

I’m not talking here about the women that go back to men who beat them when they share children. That is a whole other pathology; that is one of mutual pain and suffering.

I am talking here about the women who break up with their boyfriend who, for example cheated, or abused her in front of her friends, or generally treated her like crap.

When you break up with someone, there is an intimacy that has been broken. It is over. There is a crushing moment of realization that can last for hours or days. This is a feeling that must be endured, because you were intimate with that person. Even if they don’t admit it, or say it isn’t happening to them as well, they are going through it, and it is an inevitable aspect of separation.

As I said above, this moment must be endured. This is the moment you are most likely to get the phone all, the invite to the pub for a drink. Please understand ladies, that what you are doing here is going back to the man who cheated on you or who treated you like crap. Just because he is being nice to you in the pub where you’re meeting, does not mean he has changed. In fact, it is far more likely that if he is attracted to you in any way, he definitely has not changed, because the two of you were mutually playing off a problem you both have and will when you get together in the future.

You need a fresh man. That is called growth and moving forward, Not the same guy with a new (or worse old) set of promises that he has given up his wild ways.

Please, please, please prepare for the moment of separation anxiety. Plan to go out with friends, go away for a holiday in Paris (this is when your fuck you money is so important) or just force yourself to busy yourself out of the place that he has put you that is no good for you.

This is one of the most essential things that women can learn. How to leave a man properly who is bad for them. Do you know what the BEST thing about the powerful breakup is? You are very unlikely to repeat the mistake.

In romance novels there is simply no such thing as a breakup unless the guy is bad, and then the women will mull and be sad, but they will move on as soon as knight in shining armor shows up. Happy ever after is the creed of erotic romance novels and women just don’t have to worry about ugly things like bad breakups.

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Because men will only wash up if they are being paid to do it

We have seen in some earlier posts that men seem to be allergic to housework. Of all the advances made in the so called “battle of the sexes” this is an area famous for the least progression to have occurred.

It’s interesting. We say that feminism is hard on men and that it is difficult for men to know who they are now days, however, it look literally ten years for men to embrace the notion of women bringing home as much money as them. The idea that their wife would bring home more than her own pocket money lit up their eyes and had them champion the streets for women’s rights.

However, where they used to say “I don’t have to do the housework, because I worked all day” and no longer can, for some reason the housework is still only being done by women.

Men aren’t arguing. They agree that they SHOULD do their bit. They simply never get around to it or they do such a crap job that the woman has to follow them around re doing any sort of work they’ve started in the first place.

One of the most offensive jobs is the simple task of washing up. A woman will come to the full drainer, seeing all the shiny pots and plates twinkling in the sun and immediately see that the undersides are streaked with melted cheese and the sun is actually glistening in grease streaks.

However, put a man in an industrial kitchen, pay him a wage, and explain the law of hygiene inspector, and you have a washing up machine that is superior to all the mechanized systems in the industrial world.

Now the standards in restaurants are there because of cleanliness issues. If you do not have a scrupulously clean work space in a kitchen, you ruin the risk of poisoning large bodies of people. Men understand this. It is what they would call “logic”.  However, translate that same argument to the house (and remember we’re not looking for restaurant standards here – we just want to keep wild animals at bay) and you have a whole other creature on your hands. This time the man will not (absolutely will not) do the washing up, and if he is found in the unfortunate position where he is washing up, then he will not do it well.

In romance novels men want to do the work that has to be done around the house, purely because he can’t stand seeing his woman in the uncomfortable position of having to do it all herself. Any man lucky enough to have his dinner cooked for him and the washing up done after, acts as though he’s just won the lottery. It never occurs to them that they shouldn’t have to.

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Because men think not doing the house work is practical

Accursed from their birth they be

Who seek to find monogamy,

Pursuing it from bed to bed-

I think they would be better dead

Dorothy Parker

Because men think not doing the housework is practical

I was in a group of women the other day who were all asking why their men can’t see that the house work has to be done. A very sweet man was working nearby who turned and said
it’s just that we’re so practical that we know it will get dirty again, and therefore we don’t see why it needs to be done.”

Now, despite this being the strangest use of “logic” I have ever headed, I need to confess that I have heard me say it before. Of course, it doesn’t apply to their car – it’s just going to get dirty – it doesn’t apply to their body – they still take showers – they mow the grass – it’s just going to grow back – so why is this thought to be a form of regular maintenance, but vacuuming, changing the sheets or, heaven forbid, cleaning the toilet, is not thought to be necessary?

Could it be as simple as men don’t want to do women’s work? Is the problem with the housework that it is not the ‘domain of men’? It doesn’t reinforce masculinity therefore it is not a job that they want to do. Is it another example of men thinking it will turn them gay?

We have seen in earlier posts in this blog that men have to reinforce their masculinity all the time, presumably out of a fear that it is going t just float away. Perhaps cleaning the house is just way too much of a threat to the dedicate balance of keeping them from turning into women.

Is it just laziness? I don’t think is just laziness, because they will spend hours cleaning their car, and they will happily vacuum and use a spray glass cleaner on their car. But ask them to do carpets and windows at home, and you may as well be asking them to grow breasts and be the ‘bitch’ for all the other men in the street.

In romance novels, the men happily and comfortably clean their own bachelor pads and then will clean the house with the woman once they have established a relationship and gotten their lives intertwined with each other. Women love men who realise that they have hopes and dreams as well, plans they want to realise and that doing the housework is not fun for anyone, and just needs to be done in the course of the day, like all the other little daily maintenance chores that keep us alive and functioning.

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Because women think feminism stole their choices

Buttons with Yes and No

“You are free – Choose” J.P. Sartre

There is very little in the western world that has polarized and divided people than feminism. And i am not talking about men and women here – I’m talking about women.

Women love to blame feminism for the strangest things. They blame feminism because they want to stay at home with their kids, because they want to go out to work, because they are attracted to men, because they’ve stopped being attracted to men, for being stuck with the housework, for having to manage their own money, for choosing to not have a child and for needing to do something about their own ambitions.

What this seems to show, really, is that women just like to complain.

Feminism gave women the choice – That’s it – Where before they had none, now they can choose.

What women don’t want is to be responsible and accountable for their choices. They want to blame their husband, Germaine Greer or feminism when they don’t like their choice anymore or when they are sick of their choice.  They do not want to accept responsibility for the choice they’ve made.

Women blame feminism, which only gave them the right to choose, for having to choose. That is actually at the base of all the complaints that women make about feminism. When women did not have those freedoms they could retain the child like state that we all claim we want. They didn’t have adult status and they didn’t live like adults.  And when they whinge about feminism, they’re really complaining about having to be an adult.

In romance novels, women ‘be’ their choice. Women face conflict and uncertainly with courage and strength of conviction. They choose men who love their choices and they live their choices honestly.

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Because women won’t take advantage of feminism

business handshake ,woman and man

“I’m furious about the women liberationists. They keep getting up on soap boxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That’s true but it should be kept very quiet or it ruins the whole racket.” (Anita Loos)

We’ve seen before that men make feminism all about them. Seeing as the idea of feminism is principally about the position of women, you would wonder how women have allowed this to happen.

And yet they have.

It’s been argued that men have held women back for their own privilege and this is true, but women have been gaining a great deal from this bargain as well.

If a clumsy definition of the survival of the fittest is the creature that is able to propagate with minimal effort and can get other creatures to act as its slave, then surely women must be at the top of the list. Under patriarchy, a woman ONLY had to reproduce. She didn’t have to get her own food, build her own shelter, get her own water or defend herself in battles. She has been able to convince a man to do all these things for her while she does nothing but reproduce.

Plus, to ensure men never wake up from their slavery, she’s argued that this is all to THEIR advantage. They are the ‘rulers’ and she (at home doing nothing) is the poor slave.

Is it any wonder that so many women won’t embrace feminism? For a start they don’t want men to know they’re in on the joke, but more importantly they don’t want to give up their position at the very top of the food chain. After all, the female at the top of the food chain is the only one who knows FOR SURE that it is her child they are both raising.

Take a look around. If feminism gives women so many more rights (and it does) why are so few women really taking up the opportunities it provides? Why are so many women still allowing marriage to take place? Why are so many women still restricting themselves to one man? Why are so many women willing to give up so much freedom and choice, to live under misogyny?

Because they live at the absolute top of the food chain.

In romance novels, women act like a new breed. They’ve discovered the pleasures of genuine hard work as well as worked out ways to exist with men in conditions of mutual respect. Women don’t have to give anything up to be ‘cared for’ and neither do men. Men are not expected to provide for an entire family, all the pressures of survival on their shoulders. The two capable adults work together to produce family, and this is what every protagonist in a romance novel is working toward.

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Because men have made feminism all about men

young feminist woman and businessman formation collage

Men are threatened by feminism.

This is fair enough, seeing as the bulk of what feminism wants to do is remove male privilege, and create a level playing field. This inevitably means women’s efforts get recognised and men have to make an effort to get recognised.

So you can understand why some men might not be thrilled about the idea.

However, the best attack on feminism – and one that men are particularly good at – is to kerfuffle the idea so that when you talk about feminism – its all about men. How men ‘feel’ about it, how they are ‘coping’ in the work place, how confused they are on dates, what they think of Germaine Greer, do they keep opening car doors, and their opinions on female sports presenters. These have become the primary ‘issues’ that ‘feminism’ has to deal with cleverly making the topic primarily a male topic.

Even amongst women, you will find the topic of feminism will either start with or turn quickly to, men. How does your husband feel about it;  are men turned on by feminism;  and my personal favourite, I would be a feminist but my husband wants me to shave my legs.

In romance novels feminism isn’t really an issue. Some protagonists are, some aren’t, but their men love them anyway, aren’t threatened and really really don’t need to make it all about them.

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