Posts Tagged 'fun'

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Ask any woman if she has or has had a journal, and I bet the overwhelming answer to that question will be yes. If she says no, she’s lying.

Women love journals. I have mentioned it on this blog before. They particularly like them with beautiful or interesting covers. Women like to touch them, own them and write in them but more than anything else, they like to buy them.

And what is it exactly that women do with these journals once they own them?

Wy they write down their hopes and dreams of course.

And most women’s hopes and dreams occur in the form of to do lists. That is, lists of all the things they have to do in order to become all the things they wish to be.
Women wish to be so many things. They want to be: nicer, smarter, thinner, have better skin, have better hair, have better nails, better clothes. better home, a better cook, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, better at work, better cleaner of clothes, cars and houses, better with their free time and better with their busy times.

Women want to get better at everything they do, and ultimately, the best way they can achieve this is to write it in a journal and then look at the wonderful dreams, come to life on the page.

And then that generally satisfies the yearning. Once they can see the dreams written out in black and white that satisfies the craving they had for their lives to be different.

At least for a while.

In romance novels, usually women write their hopes and dreams out in a journal and before they know it, the entire scenario has come true, but a wonderful man leaping out of the pages of a book to satisfy them, a fairy godmother providing them with the new man and the new life, or just a strange series of circumstances coinciding for them to have everything that they want. One thing you will never see in a romance novel is a long hard slog that takes most of their lives being the way dreams come true – because after all, this is about dreams, wishes and fantasies, not real life.

 And every romance reader knows it.



Because men expect power without having to be powerful

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Men love power. They say it is to impress women, but that is about as accurate as the theory that women dress to impress men. Men want power for the same reason women want to look good. to make the others of their sex jealous. To ‘prove’ that they have come first.

So what is a powerful person? Almost every philosophy or theology you will ever read agrees it starts with self-mastery. However, men have missed this point. For them, power resides in the strength of their punch and the quality of their lie.

It is true that men are getting better at resisting the punch. There are very few men in our culture who would defend hitting a woman or a child. there are even men who would resist hitting another man, no matter how much he challenged him to a ‘duel.’

However it is very rare – even in this day and age – to see a man working very hard to improve himself.

Oh, he may want to take more courses in his chosen career path. Or he may be into business books and motivational books. However, how often do you really see a man attempting to practise self-mastery?

And I don’t necessarily mean quitting smoking or losing weight. I mean real self mastery. Like learning how to be nicer to his wife, spend time with the children, and above all fight the ego drives that encourage him to dominate and control every situation, usually to the absolute detriment of all his long terms plans.

Men have largely gotten where they are by mateship and camaraderie. Women know this, because we have so much trouble getting through the ‘glass ceiling’ and being paid the same for equal work. In only very rare exceptions do you see men getting somewhere through intense self-examination, life changing decisions and a challenging of their own ego. It is a very rare man who will not argue  in FAVOUR of his precious ego. Why? Because it is the very key that convinces other men to elevate him, or get him something that he wants. His bravado is far more powerful amongst the world of the powerful (that is other men) because if there is one thing men want to see, it is the lasting enduring power of bravado. They will elevate each other and promote the most useless human being, all in the name of keeping the faith in their egos alive.

In romance novels all the heros are powerful. And they are that good old-fashioned kind of powerful. they are powerful in that they self examine and they allow themselves to grow. Usually they will allow themselves to be transformed by the love of their fine woman. And tat is another reason why women love them so much.


Because women have no sense of urgency

One of the masculine traits I have to confess to admiring is the will to win. There is something that gets triggered in men that sparks a desire to get ahead. Now this is usually seen in misplaced ways – such as racing everyone off at traffic lights, only to be caught up at the next red light (very embarrassing for said males – makes them look like total douches). However, that spark, when controlled and directed into something exciting, is the fire that almost ensures success.
This is something women have got to learn.
A lot of this is learnt on the sports field. It has been a problem in the past that women didn’t really have access to competitive sports, but they do know and are working their way into that arena more and more as time gores on. 
However, women still have to understand that life is made of many small victories and although I do think women are, much better at winning the war than men are (we live longer for a start, which has got to be the ultimate win) we are very bad at winning battles.
Women just haven’t worked out yet that small victories mean a lot. 
Partly this is because women have no sense of urgency. They don’t get it about how powerful it is to give your absolute best to a project. Women will hold the best part of themselves back in every single one of their endeavours, only ever giving 80%. men know what it feels like to give 100% and therefore often wind up giving 110%. This is how the 4 minute mile gets broken, and then broken and broken and broken again.
When women work out that it is essential they push and push themselves, and that the small things in life REALLY matter, they will find that they can compete more powerfully in the day-to-day battle of accomplishments and self-love. For in the end, the only person who really knows that you havent done your absolute best is you, and the person who stands to gain from your 100% best effort is you also. 
In romance novels women give 100% all the time, and the women reading it love this about their heroines. Women know they don’t give their very best all the time and that is why they love to read about heroines who do. 


Because women think sacrifice equals goodness / salvation

One of the most problematical issues in the female pathology is the one where women think sacrifice equals goodness.  This is a way of thinking that will have a woman remain in a relationship regardless of its ability to nurture and feed her.  That extends to relationships where she is being physically or mentally or emotionally abused.

An idea that women must abandon or at least find a new way to express is the idea that her sacrifice means she is a good person. There is always a question around the person who puts themselves last. It tends to be a religious idea that has sunken under the skin – that if your life is hard you will be rewarded – but women must remember these are ideas that get “fed” to the disenfranchised all over the world. Anyone whose basic human rights are taken away, are given some sort of “religion” to cling to in its place.

However, this is meant to be a lighthearted look at relationships and stereotypes.

The really interesting thing about “sacrifice” is it is rarely exactly that. A sacrifice is NOT staying home and leaving your dreams unfed so you can nurture your children’s dreams. Sacrifice is NOT cooking his favourite meals and cleaning his house every day so that he brings home his hard-earned pay check and gives it to you. Sacrifice is NOT letting someone walk all over you because you are too afraid to stand up to them.

These so-called sacrifices (that women specialise in) are more about coming up with excuses for giving in to fear. When women refuse to take responsibility for their own needs, it is not called sacrifice, it is simply bowing to a fear that everyone who has to press themselves into a dream experiences. it is always scary when you have to push yourself into unknown territory and it is no sacrifice when you use another person (especially a dependant) as an excuse to not do it.

However, what REALLY is unacceptable is the claim to superiority that women will attempt because they have “sacrificed” themselves for their “loved ones”.  its bad enough to use the people around you to not care for yourself and your needs, but to claim you are better than them because of this, is simply gross. And this is what “sacrifice” usually leads to. because it is usually based on an inauthenticity, it needs to keep feeding itself with more and more puffed up self-aggrandizing, so the sacrificer never has to confront their own demons.

And no one does this as well as the women. they are the original and the absolute best Martyrs.

In romance novels women are usually self expressed in some way. Even if they are “sacrificing” some aspect of themselves this is addressed in the novel and eventually overcome.  T me this tells us that deep down women do know that sacrifice rarely benefits anyone, but the sacrificer.


Because men have a packed staduim cheering them on everywhere they go

This is one of the secrets that women don’t know about men that I have accidently found out.

Every now and then – now more than ever before in time – men slip up and let us know what they are thinking. The male mind has always been an enigma for women. We’ve never been able to quite figure them out. We’ve been told that they’re our heroes and they will rescue us from everything, but when we get close to one, the relationship feels strangely like they are just a boy/man and you are actually the one doing the rescuing.

Women have always assumed they were wrong about their suspicions, and men will use all sorts of tricks to keep women from realising they are actually on to something. One of the best tricks was simply not to talk. Not to communicate their thoughts at all. We women assumed deep and amazing things resided there.

And so we are introduced to one of my all time favourite little things that goes on in the male mind.

The packed stadium cheering them on.

Do you remember seeing little boys playing football, some other sport, skateboarding, riding their bike etc, pretending to the commentator as they go through the motions? Well, that never goes away. Men just learn not to say it out loud.

Trust me when I tell you, when a man leans over and catches something as it’s about to fall – he hears a packed stadium cheer for him. When he finds a car space that was lucky, when he overtakes someone by going over the speed limit, when he scores a point of whoever he is arguing with or when he successfully crosses the road without being hit by a car, he imagines thousands and thousands of people cheering him on.

Don’t ask me.  I’m just telling you how it is.

In romance novels the men usually DO have crowds of adoring fans cheering him on. Either that or he is a moody loner. Either way, the most important thing in the world to the romance hero is the woman he is in love with and no stadium roar can rival the thrill of her voice telling him she loves him.


Because men don’t know how to be masculine and nice

For some strange reason, it was decided long ago, that masculine equals cruel. There have been many excuses put forward to defend this strange behaviour. testosterone was used till it was proven that it doesn’t actually increase aggression in males. religion was used till we didn’t buy the story hat god gave men and women different gifts. Biological determinism was used until we realised that creatures can drop evolved habits in a lifetime that have outgrown their usefulness.

In the end, there is no real reason why men equate meanness with masculinity, except perhaps that they have been getting away with it for so long. Of course, such a potent force has been completely done away with in three generations. Aggression now is saved for sports jocks and low socio-economic groups.

And so the truth behind this behaviour starts to emerge.

But the best ting about the death of this is that men who are not aggressive are re defining masculinity so that men can be gentle, good to the people around them and still seen as strong. Power no longer is seen as a thing that needs to be taken. it is a thing that an individual needs to earn and then it is a tool they use to get certain things done.

Cruelty is now seen as a bi product of an unresolved issue in one’s childhood or a sign of inner weakness. People may be admired for it in the short-term still, but in the long-term it inspires a backhanded sympathy and embarrassment.

However, what is now emerging the man who is very nice, but a real wimp. I know this poor guy thinks his time has finally come, but I am afraid I am here to burst your bubble. We are looking for something new now, a new kind of man who is both powerful and has empathy for others. This does not give men blanket permission to just be passive receivers of life either.

In romance  novels men have always been portrayed as they are starting t emerge today. However, they are still power. They know that power is a thing that comes from inside them, not something they do to others. They never appear weak and pathetic because they are in control of themselves. This si how men have always been written in romance novels. Now that women have a voice and a choice, they are choosing more and more men who can be someone more like this.


Because women will use pregnancy to get a man

I would love to say this is never true. I would love to say women would never sink this low. I would love to say women are aware that they don’t need men enough to never do this. I would love to say women have too much self-respect to trap another human being like this.

But it isn’t true.

Women will do this.

I have seen it on a number of occasions – hey its even been a joke on Sex and the City. Women will use pregnancy to get a man and I can’t think of a worse reason to have a child except maybe boredom.

Part of wanting to have power over their own bodies and reproductive rights is responsibilities around when and how to have children. If women really want control over their own reproductive capabilities, they have to acknowledge how much power they have in the world and they have to use it responsibly.

Just have men have had to learn to be responsible with physical strength and have learnt to curb it and channel it, so women have to learn how to handle reproductive strength.

To use a baby to catch a man makes no sense.

It creates and fosters resentment against you and against the child.

It is an inappropriate use of power.

Women really have to wake up about this one, and just as they don’t ever want a man to make them pregnant against their will, so they must not deliberately make a man a father just to use social responsibility to catch him.

IN romance novels this just never, ever happens. Women are responsible human beings who have babies in partnership with men who love them. They simply NEVER get pregnant deliberately to catch the guy.


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