Posts Tagged 'funny'

Because men think stupid is cool

There are some things that men do that women will simply never understand. The best we can hope for is that evolution will take care of eliminating these things over time.

the things I am talking about are those male-centred attributes, objects or pastimes that make no logical sense but that men will defend their right to be, like or perform. It’s not so much the object itself, or the behaviour – its more men’s total fascination with the thing. A fascination that leads them to thinking it is cool, when it most certainly is not.

here is my to ten list of the stupid things that men think are cool:

10) tanks (hello! Tanks are NOT cool)

9) driving dangerously (self explanatory)

8 ) backseat driving (men call this giving instruction)

7) peeing contests / peeing everywhere (!)

6) killing animals (this one is dying out thank god)

5) belching in public (gross)

4) knowing twenty different way’s to open a beer bottle (really, this is NOT cool)

3) soggy sao contests (ummmm…. like REALLY this is NOT cool)

2) making fun of others in public when you are embarrassed (we can see through you)

and the number one is

1) farting in public.

In romance novels none of the above appear.

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Because women don’t have to do anything to be famous

I hesitate to mention Paris Hiltons name, because I have been recently educated on the inappropriate motivations behind slut bashing. And we can say she might not be so famous if her boyfriend hadn’t distributed private images of her having sex without her consent.

But what about Nicole Richie? Kelly Osbourne? Peaches Geldof? These women have not had to do anything to be famous. They are literally famous for being famous. Just as Suri Cruise will be.

Now this doesn’t seem to happen to men in the same way. Men are expected to do something. It doesn’t have to be much – boy band, short film, some time running a branch of daddy’s company – but all women have to do is turn up and wear a famous frock.

Which is irritating in itself but it gets really annoying when women start to expect that sort of treatment even though they haven’t done anything. Or, they expect to be treated like a queen when they have done very little. And suddenly we have – the princess.

Princesses expect things without having earned them. Princes don’t exist. This is strictly a female disease. Women think they ‘deserve’ simply because they exist. They are filled with entitlement.

In romance novels women aren’t famous for being famous but they do get things without having to do much to earn them. Because they’re written by women and so many women think they are entitled without actually having to do something, women in romance novels are the same.

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Ten stupid things women say

Well I promised yesterday. On this blog we tease men one day and women the next. So here today are my top ten dum things women say. Can you think of more? I bet you can. List them down below.

  1. Do I look fat in this? (Lets be very clear here. Unless you want an answer that is the same in your mind as ‘yes’ do not ask this question.)
  2. Would you sleep with her? (Same as above)
  3. Do you fantasize about other women? (he does. Just like you fantasize about other men. It is not something you need to fear.)
  4. Do you watch porn? (Why embarrass him with this revelation. Unless this is going to be followed by ‘because I have my complete set of 70’s vintage porn here with me, don’t embarrass him like this)
  5. I’m a man’s woman. (Trying to curry favour with men by putting women down is a bad move)
  6. I’d love to have a threesome with another woman and you. (unless you are REALLY bisexual and this is something you really need, don’t go there. DO NOT do this thinking you will mesmerize him with your powers of seduction)
  7. I’d really just like to stay home and look after a man right. (even if you THINK you want this, don’t say it)
  8. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. (He did)
  9. It won’t happen again. (It will)
  10. But he said he’s sorry. (Sorry doesn’t cut it unless it means it will never happen again. )

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Because men think avoiding emotion is superior

Men have trouble expressing themselves. This is no secret. They have never practised it and as a result they have not properly developed the part of their brain that facilitates good communication.

However, where a woman would self examine and do something about this, men choose instead to say that what they lack, is really a strength.

Men don’t openly say not caring about emotion is superior, but they will show it in their behaviours, and in the outright disdain they will show for someone who dares to show some emotion. They will roll their eyes or scoff at a request for feelings being expressed in some way, or they will give a feeling like “my stomach hurts” instead of their intuitive response to the issue being discussed.

Now instead of recognising that they can’t do something, they will, instead give “excuses” like;

“Can we get on with it please? I don’t see the point of this.”

“Emotions are really a woman’s domain.”

“I don’t think emotional discussion belongs in the work place.”

All of these inaccurate statements imply he is superior for not wanting to talk about emotions. When really, all that is going is, he can’t because he hasn’t taken the time to develop the skill.

And if we have trouble getting men to express themselves in the work place, heaven help the poor female trying to get them to say something from the heart at home.

In romance novels, the men discuss their emotions eventually, even if it takes them a while to be able to do that. At some point they will come around to it and then they will keep talking about it so that they practise more and get better at this important skill that men have.

Oh – PS! There are more emotions than anger and euphoria.

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Because men don’t understand why a woman asks for advice and then won’t take it

‘She’ll ask for your advice

Your reply will be concise

She’ll listen very nicely

Then go out and do precisely what she wants’

Henry Higgins – My Fair lady

Asking for advice is just that. Asking for advice.

It always seems to astonish men when women ask for advice and then do something different. This is primarily because men don’t know what asking for advice is. They see it as a weakness, assuming everyone should be born knowing everything already. When it comes to advice they never ask for it, nor do they take it.

So it comes as a delight when a woman does ask for advice, because they have a chance to 1) impart their genius (which they love) and 2) give her direction (which they also love).

But it isn’t like that for women. Women ask for advice because they are weighing things up. And here is a scary thing to know. Often, they don’t actually want nor need the advice. They are really summing you up over a certain issue. So for men, when a woman asks for some information, they assume she doesn’t know something and wants to learn. But for a woman, it’s a chance to see the other person.

Deep inside every man is a belief that he is a genius (we have seen this before) so it is perfectly natural that everyone who knows them should ask for their advice. It makes sense in the way they see the world. It’s not in the asking they are surprised. It is in the mulling over his advice, the weighing it up against other advice you’ve collected and then, if it isn’t the best advice received, rejecting it. This is what men can’t get their heads around.

Which leads me to another point. Men will very often happily give advice on topics they know nothing about. Because no matter how little they know, they will be absolutely sure of one thing: they know more than their woman does on the subject.

In romance novels women do ask for advice and they do take it or they don’t take it depending on the quality of the advice, and men simply say they don’t really know if they don’t. It is all clear and it is all simple. The people who give bad advice in romance novels are villains, and the baddies always get theirs in the end.

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Because men want to muscle in on their wife or partners success

“She’ll ask for your advice, which will be most concise

She’ll listen very nicely, and go out and do precisely what she wants.”

Henry Higgins

My Fair lady

One of the best ways to get your monosyllabic husband to start talking to you, is to have a minor success.

Besides a Policeman on point duty or a bouncer at a nightclub, you will rarely see the god complex and misogyny combine and rise to the surface as fast as when a man here’s about something that happened in his woman’s day that impresses him.

Suddenly, he’s an expert in whatever it was that you did well, he’s your coach, your mentor and captain of the ship. But it has to be something that impresses him.

Come home with news of a promotion, a success in a minor sporting event, a pay rise or heaven forbid if you get some sort of media attention, and he’s all over you like a rash with the advice. And it’s not just advice. These gold nuggets are delivered with command and force. He co-opts your success instantly so that it becomes his.  The idea is,  as fast as possible, he wants to be seen as the one who created it all behind the scenes.

Think of women singers and athletes in particular and I bet you can cite at least three examples of women marrying and then he “manages” her career. Can you name one instant in the reverse? Can you imagine a man having a huge success and coming home and taking advice on how to manage it from here on from his wife? I think not. (That day is devoted to the start of a battle between success and home that usually ends in divorce)

It all comes down to power and control. Success in our culture means power. As soon as a woman as some success, the man knows very well the lens that will be placed over the way she views him unless he makes himself indispensible and/ or finds a short cut to being better than her again as fast as he can. How does he know this? He knows because of the way he views her in his life.

In romance novels women never have to worry about men being threatened by their success in any way. Usually their men have so much of their own success that the better their woman does in the most independent way reflects strongly on them. However, occasionally they are not as successful as her and they just relish the fact that a cultured, successful talented woman wants to be with them.

Because women put themselves last and then resent it

I’ve dabbled on the edges of this subject before on this blog. The way that women will martyr themselves, cook lavish dinners no one asked for, then get resentful when no one is thrilled with the results, clean the house so that no one can put anything down and then get resentful when the other family members just feel claustrophobic, not grateful.

But this can go even further. This can go to the extreme where they will not care for themselves so much that they feel guilty when they do, or they actually suffer from different types of neglect.

At its core, this is a lack of responsibility that has a woman not look after herself properly. Because no woman cares for the members of her family in a self sacrificial way. No, that is just the outward persona of “caring for everyone else first”. Women actually DO expect their massive self-sacrifice to be noticed, acknowledged and reciprocated and they will get enormously resentful if this does not happen.

So what do they do? They continue the self neglect in the hope that the object of their attentions – husband or children or best friend- will NOTICE and wake up and give them the attention they desire. This is not about nurturing and it is not about self-sacrifice. This is all about manipulating the people around you into treating you the same way, or feeling so guilty they will care for you in some way! If not now, then maybe when you are old.

This is at the core of women’s self sacrifice.

The wife and mother and best friend who is not caring for herself physically and mentally is placing an unnecessary burden on others. Often, all the help she gives is detrimental to the person who receives it. See the way men are searching the globe for a copy of their mother they can marry – that is a woman who looks after him the way his mother did. It’s hard for a man to accept that he will have to clean his own clothes, cook his own food, care for his own children and clean his own house. There may be men who will do one or two of these things, but really, how many men do you know who are living with a woman and still do all of the above? This is because that wonderful self-sacrificing mother taught him how to expect the sae from every woman he meets for the rest of his life.

In romance novels women don’t need to martyr themselves for love or for motherhood or anything else, because they lead such exciting busy lives that they have no time for these kinds of self indulgences.

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