Posts Tagged 'Power'

Because men expect power without having to be powerful

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Men love power. They say it is to impress women, but that is about as accurate as the theory that women dress to impress men. Men want power for the same reason women want to look good. to make the others of their sex jealous. To ‘prove’ that they have come first.

So what is a powerful person? Almost every philosophy or theology you will ever read agrees it starts with self-mastery. However, men have missed this point. For them, power resides in the strength of their punch and the quality of their lie.

It is true that men are getting better at resisting the punch. There are very few men in our culture who would defend hitting a woman or a child. there are even men who would resist hitting another man, no matter how much he challenged him to a ‘duel.’

However it is very rare – even in this day and age – to see a man working very hard to improve himself.

Oh, he may want to take more courses in his chosen career path. Or he may be into business books and motivational books. However, how often do you really see a man attempting to practise self-mastery?

And I don’t necessarily mean quitting smoking or losing weight. I mean real self mastery. Like learning how to be nicer to his wife, spend time with the children, and above all fight the ego drives that encourage him to dominate and control every situation, usually to the absolute detriment of all his long terms plans.

Men have largely gotten where they are by mateship and camaraderie. Women know this, because we have so much trouble getting through the ‘glass ceiling’ and being paid the same for equal work. In only very rare exceptions do you see men getting somewhere through intense self-examination, life changing decisions and a challenging of their own ego. It is a very rare man who will not argue  in FAVOUR of his precious ego. Why? Because it is the very key that convinces other men to elevate him, or get him something that he wants. His bravado is far more powerful amongst the world of the powerful (that is other men) because if there is one thing men want to see, it is the lasting enduring power of bravado. They will elevate each other and promote the most useless human being, all in the name of keeping the faith in their egos alive.

In romance novels all the heros are powerful. And they are that good old-fashioned kind of powerful. they are powerful in that they self examine and they allow themselves to grow. Usually they will allow themselves to be transformed by the love of their fine woman. And tat is another reason why women love them so much.



Because men don’t know how to be masculine and nice

For some strange reason, it was decided long ago, that masculine equals cruel. There have been many excuses put forward to defend this strange behaviour. testosterone was used till it was proven that it doesn’t actually increase aggression in males. religion was used till we didn’t buy the story hat god gave men and women different gifts. Biological determinism was used until we realised that creatures can drop evolved habits in a lifetime that have outgrown their usefulness.

In the end, there is no real reason why men equate meanness with masculinity, except perhaps that they have been getting away with it for so long. Of course, such a potent force has been completely done away with in three generations. Aggression now is saved for sports jocks and low socio-economic groups.

And so the truth behind this behaviour starts to emerge.

But the best ting about the death of this is that men who are not aggressive are re defining masculinity so that men can be gentle, good to the people around them and still seen as strong. Power no longer is seen as a thing that needs to be taken. it is a thing that an individual needs to earn and then it is a tool they use to get certain things done.

Cruelty is now seen as a bi product of an unresolved issue in one’s childhood or a sign of inner weakness. People may be admired for it in the short-term still, but in the long-term it inspires a backhanded sympathy and embarrassment.

However, what is now emerging the man who is very nice, but a real wimp. I know this poor guy thinks his time has finally come, but I am afraid I am here to burst your bubble. We are looking for something new now, a new kind of man who is both powerful and has empathy for others. This does not give men blanket permission to just be passive receivers of life either.

In romance  novels men have always been portrayed as they are starting t emerge today. However, they are still power. They know that power is a thing that comes from inside them, not something they do to others. They never appear weak and pathetic because they are in control of themselves. This si how men have always been written in romance novels. Now that women have a voice and a choice, they are choosing more and more men who can be someone more like this.


Because women think gossip is justifyable

It is true. I this area I can’t defend my sex. Women do think that gossip is pleasurable and enjoyable. And the juicer, and the worse the person who is not present looks – the better.

So what are women doing when they gossip together like this?

Women taking with love and respect about a person who is not present is not always gossip. Sometimes it is two friends who are genuinely not sure what to do talking about something or someone who is near and dear to both their hearts. Sometimes it is information sharing.

And sometimes it is to delight in the ugly details of another person’s life to have a certifiable ‘win” over them in life. We have talked before her how women are so deeply competitive. It is a competitiveness that drives them to gossip in a nasty way about other women and other men. By the way – don’t think this is about other women. This is all about getting under the façade and taking affirmation from others failure. Men are not t all safe from the virulent attack of the bored unhappy woman.

And here in lies the secret behind gossip. Bored and unhappy women will gossip not to drag others down but to elevate themselves. That is what gossip is all about and that – at the end of the day – is the mystery behind those magazines as well. Those stupid gossip mags that everyone “knows” is not true… but what they are revealing to you is the power of gossip.

Gossip has the power to make something true by simply stating it and then looking for the evidence. How often do you see (what we call in Australia – tall poppies) people dragged down by those mags, and then a few months later you find the mags were right. Well it’s not that the mags knew something – or maybe they did. What you are seeing is the power of gossip.

In the past the will behind gossip has destroyed people. We rubbish it, but the truth is, it has a great deal of power.  That is why women cling to it, because of the power it wields. Just as men have to give something up to stop being “beer guzzling jock assholes” (quote from the film Heathers) so women have to give up the power of being “chardonnay sipping label wearing bitches” before gossip will have seen the end of its days.

We have all felt the sting of gossip. We all know the venom in its tail.  When women give this up, and only when they give it up, will it lose its power.

In romance novels, women don’t gossip, ever. This is because every woman no matter who she is, deep down knows that gossip is a false power and prefers to think that in a perfect world she wouldn’t be gossiping. You all need to know, men and women alike, that women deep down wish they didn’t gossip, and in romance novels – the perfect world according to women – it never happens.


Because women have the wrong kind of power

“I asked a Burmese why women, after centuries of following their men, now walk ahead. He said there were many unexploded land mines since the war.” Robert Meuller

In my not so humble opinion, the coupling of the sexes has very little to do with reproduction, it has far more to do with power.

This is played out once the initial throes of copulation have been exercised. After all, if it were all about biology both sexes would be happy to move on. However both sexes want to hold on to the other. Both of them would like the freedom to move on and yet strangely both start to set up, obey and try to outwit the other on certain “rules” that are laid out at the start of the relationships. Sometimes the rules have been divined by them, sometimes they’re invisible rules that were created many centuries ago, but are so imbedded in our psyche that we are committed to them beyond an y hope for free will.

The bulk of these are mercilessly played out by women.

Women will use the power that has been allocated to them – that is sexual power and emotional warfare, to maintain power in a relationship. They don’t use power like intelligence, self-respect, confidence or strategy to gain power over themselves – which is a higher option for all human beings.

Instead women will use emotional power to run the household, ruling with an iron fist and making everyone who lives in the same premises as her feel guilty about anything that they want to do that may disobey any of the rules that none of them had a hand in setting up (nor did they officially agree to them).

They will use their sexual power to hook their man and then use it to seduce other men half way (rarely actually authentically following through) throughout their life into getting what they want.

In romance novels power between couples is shared. The decidedly macho guys encourage the use of positive e power in their women and the women don’t take advantage of popular stereotypes in order to gain access to short-term power. This for a woman is an ideal, even if in real life she doesn’t even try for it.


Because women hit on each others boyfriends / husbands


Men and women both want power.


They don’t want it all the time, it doesn’t define them always, but everyone in our culture succumbs to the temptation to be powerful.


To be powerful means to conform to superficial sources of power. For man this is money and status, for women this is beauty.  Every woman has felt the exhilaration of being the most beautiful woman in the room, and every woman has felt the sting of being the ugliest woman in the room.


When a woman looks beautiful, the taxi driver treats her differently. In fact everyone, from the waitress, the work colleagues and the boss right through to your kids, your husband and your neighbor treat you differently. You gain a kind of power you didn’t know existed.


It is tempting to want this power all the time; Particularly when you feel self conscious, down in the dumps about yourself or worst of all, unattractive.


This is when a woman will become ruthless in her search for the power of beauty. No where is that affirmed with more supremacy than in stealing your best friends boyfriend or husband.


Not to sleep with them… not even to kiss them. No your best friend would NEVER do that (unless she’s got a major self esteem problem). No she wants to borrow him for awhile. She wants to flirt, touch feet under the table when she’s been invited over to dinner, and take a ridiculously deep interest in his football jersey collection.


The self esteem boost gained from your best friends husband’s head being tuned, is akin to the cover of vogue. You may not be the worlds most beautiful woman, but at lest your more beautiful than your best friend. You may not be able to get a man, but at least your not with a horrible lecherous man like your best friend, whose husband cant keep his eyes off your breasts every time you wear that low top with the push up bra and shuffle your boobs all night, talking about last night in bed with the guy you picked up in the bar because sometimes you just need meaningless sex.


When it comes to a self esteem boost, almost no woman on the face of the earth can resist the eye of her best friends’ man; because that is the ultimate judge, and he’s telling her, she’s better than his wife.


Which is of course a win for the man too, because in one swoop he can interfere in the relationship he fears most; his wife’s best friend.


In romance novels, the best friends never ever take off with the man, unless she is really villain and she is being established as such; which will ultimately result in a scene where the hero rejects her while she is naked in a bed and the heroine is watching without either of them knowing.


In romance novels, the hero is like a brother to the best friend, and the best friend is lovely, but like a sister to the hero. He’ll do anything for her, but he couldn’t IMAGINE looking at her in a sexual way.


He’s just not like that.


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