Posts Tagged 'relationship'

Because men think hurting yourself needlessly means something

I have discussed on this blog before men’s peculiar habits and the strange meanings they attach to them. 
 
however there are few stranger than the actions that are taken in the name of machismo.
 
Lets look at a few of them:
 
– Doing outrageous stunts on bikes
– turbo charging a skateboard
– cliff diving
– running in front of stampeding bulls
– attempting impossible stuns on ramps
– wrestling snakes and crocodiles 
– riding bulls
 
The show that properly represents these incredibly foolish acts is Jackass. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t defend Jackass. The amazing thing is not so much the defence (after all, this is a blog defending the right to read romance novels) it is more the meanings attacked to the acts themselves. They have a sort of love for machismo. Even though the behaviours of the shows hosts are foolish, there is something very special and brave about it.
 
A more serious treatment of a similar subject occurs in the book Fight Club. In this book the self-abuse is definitely seen as a kind of machismo; a reaching into the depths of oneself for a meaning that is never there and can’t ever be there – but you come out of it a man.
 
In romance novels men are heroes the hard way. By choosing to take a stand and then taking that stand. they fight for who they are and they fight for their women and their loved ones and their principles. They are not men who are so filled with nothing that even stupidity makes them feel more like men.

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Because women won’t learn about their money

Women still, after all this time, after all the divorces, after all the marriages where they discover the white knight doesn’t exist, still refuse to get a good handle on their money issues.

Part of the problem is that women equate saving with being on a diet. They are depriving themselves and doing something they must do over something they want to do. It’s like you are taking something from yourself and the world is making a demand on your freedom to be yourself.

The corollary of this is thinking you deserve to go shopping. You deserve to spend some money on yourself if you’ve had a bad day.

Of course when they run out of money, the best idea is to find a man who can pay the bills. This gets them off the hook, they get to use their best asset (their body covered in the ‘right’ clothes) and then everyone wins.

Except for the fact that she is now in his debt and will be for the rest of her life, this is still the solution many women will look to as the end of their money woes.

Without controlling money, women will continue to find themselves on a rollercoaster ride wanting to be rescued and needing to be taken care of. It’s a difficult realization to make, but women have to work harder at getting what they want on a long-term basis rather than being satisfied fulfilling their short-term needs.

In romance novels women still have money woes but their man is always willing and happy to help them out with the problems and he will do it without thinking he deserves something back.

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Because men think they know more about women’s bodies than women

I learned recently that in my country (Australia) they can’t make pornographic films with female ejaculation hitting someone else, because it is considered urination.

Beautiful.

I was also talking with an ardent biological determinist recently who was determined to convert me to his brand of nonsense. When I told him there were two absolute definitive proofs that sex is not just about procreation, and both of these could be found in women’s bodies, it was difficult to get him to concentrate for long enough to tell him. I said:

  1. The pill. When women knew for sure they couldn’t get pregnant, it created a massive social movement around free love and women came out on mass to have unrestricted sex.
  2. The clitoris. Because it is almost impossible for it to be stimulated during penetrative sex.

Men have been trying to tell women for years and years that if they don’t have sex with them they will contract a kind of madness. Wombs were thought to be a source of manic depressive behaviour not to mention an organ desperately in need of a male.

I know this is an old example, but it is still true today – as seen in my earlier examples. The medical profession (a very masculine entity) likes to think that it understands women’s bodies far better than the women do. So women are laughed at for thinking their symptoms are any worse than a little boredom and can’t be prescribed a bex, a cup of tea and a good lie down.

In this area men simply haven’t caught up with knowledge and information. There is much more we know about women’s bodies than ever before, now that it has been decided they are worth examining and worth looking at as different from a male body.

Of course, this is not all men. There are men who like to think that women have special physical needs that mean they need the medical advice of other females. Some men are waking up to the fact that women’s bodies can’t be explained in the typical way we think of men. But these men are sadly few.

In romance novels, of course, the women’s body is celebrated. Men don’t think they know more about it and the thing they want more than anything is to worship a woman at her body, not own and control it.

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Because women believe the cheating man will leave his wife for her – eventually.

‘Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships’

Sharon Stone

It’s annoying enough that when women get competitive, they do it with each other and don’t compete against men (more on this another day) but the way they compete with each other is embarrassing. They compete over their children’s successes, their husband’s successes, their cooking the cleanliness of their house and their own general thinness. But as we have seen before on this blog, one of the most annoying ways women compete with each other, is by trying to take each other’s man.

This is particularly annoying because the men get such a kick out of it. They think it’s because they are so hot, not because women are aggressive and competitive and just love to beat each other at every stupid little game life throws at them. (And let’s face it, mostly life will only throw very little games at women).

If you want proof that the cheating girlfriend is all about the wife and not the man she’s with, take her desire to have him leave his wife.

Now in this sort of relationship, I’m afraid the mistress has the upper hand. She is the secret, she doesn’t have to do any of the dirty work around him (like cleaning his clothes, his house or his children) and she is visited only once every so often and only after she’s had a good chance to shave the legs, paint the nails and wear the $500 lingerie she picked up with her entire wage.

However, as if this stupidity isn’t enough. Now she wants the man full time. It’s not enough that she gets the best of his body mind and soul. She wants the wife gone.

Because you see, at the end of the day, it’s all about what other people think of your situation and if you can’t take your lover out in public then people think you are just a sad lonely woman stuck at home alone. The wife might think that she and her husband are happy together.  And we can’t have that.

So, she takes the worst husband she’s ever known – and she has absolute proof he is the worst husband ever – and she begs to be his wife.

And then when he tells her he will leave his wife – eventually – she believes him and continues to give her body happily in the secure comfort of knowing she will – eventually – get to beat that wife and the wife will know she won!

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Because men think it’s a game when a woman says she’s leaving

“And I wanted you to know

That I never understood.

That although you said you’d go

Until you did, I never thought you would.”

Don McLean

A wonderful young man I know well came to me once and said that he was worried about his wife. He said she seemed very distracted and she was carrying on about leaving and silly things like that. She seemed unhappy. We talked for a while and then he went home to her when he’d talked his frustration out.

A week later she left him and a week after that he was back in my lounge room, drinking much stronger drink than beer this time, saying over and over again “no warning. Absolutely no warning!”

This happens all the time. Men think when a woman says she is deeply unhappy that it is a game and the appropriate response is to treat it like she’s said something foolish or she is just being dramatic. In fact that is the usual response. Men just think its dramatics when a woman says that she is so unhappy she thinks she may leave. At least they prefer to think its dramatics than to address the possibility she may actually leave.

These days it is easier for a woman to leave. She usually has her own money and she can mobilise friends to help her out. She’s not as sure a bet as she used to be. The response you’re supposed to have is one of desire to do the right thing to keep her happy. If you worked harder at keeping her happy she will stay.

Pretending she is just never going to go is simply denial.

In romance novels the women never threaten to leave and they never go. One simple reason why. Their needs are being met.

Because men don’t understand flirting

Men don’t understand flirting. This is true for all men as far as I can tell. They think its foreplay. They don’t understand that the two are separate and treated separately, each can actually have its own charm.

Women like to flirt and if men actually cottoned on to this idea, they might get a lot of an additional pleasure in their life that has up until now been missing.

Flirting has a lot of advantages for many different reasons. The most of which is it has a wonderful effect on the increase in mojo. This is the primary reason for flirting. It’s so you can go home and think “Yeah – I’m hot – look what happened to me tonight.”

However, men confuse flirting with foreplay all the time. If a woman looks in their direction, then down at the floor, then back in their direction with a half smile, they think they’re going to get laid. An d then when they rush over at the speed of light and say “your place or mine” and she looks back at him horrified, they accuse her of being a prick tease and will often abuse her publicly for making a fool of them.

All they need to understand is that the “look” does not necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you. The look is not even in the same ball park. In fact, the best thing about the look is that if some other guy starts sitting with her, buying her drinks and putting in the hard yards, your looks don’t necessarily have to end till she leaves the premises wit the guy.

The look is subtle. It’s designed to make you feel good, to give you a bit of a thrill. It’s about feeling good about yourself and remembering that you are an attractive man and that you really do have it going on.

If men calm down and don’t feel that they are “in with a chance” just because she’s flirting, then there is more of a chance that they will get more flirting.

The other advantage of flirting is that it does not mean you are chatting and it does not mean you have done anything wrong. You don’t have to feel guilty and you don’t have to report back. And the best thing of all is that the girl that is flirting with you does not expect you to leave your current girlfriend and run away.

In romance novels the hero does not flirt with other women at all. He is obsessively besotted with his woman and no one else comes close. She does not flirt at all, because she is so deliriously happy that she can’t even look sideways. No one compares to each other. Women like to take a look at this world and then if they don’t have it in their own life, then they like t have a little go at a flirt some time when they feel very safe.

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Because women think they love the strong silent type

tattoo

You get what you settle for

Women have always loved the strong silent type. Strong, is important – yes, but the most important things about the strong silent type – is that he’s silent.

While the advice from men can be very annoying (especially when it is inconceivable that you might not use it or heaven forbid, ignore it) that is nothing compared with how regularly it is received.

So women invented the idea of the ‘strong silent type.’

The man who is well built and doesn’t talk.

However, like all sexual stereotypes, what inevitably happens when a woman is confronted with the strong silent type, is incessant badgering about what is on his mind.

Never mind that what is on his mind is potato chips and a beer, or how long is it till the next football match. As soon as a woman is actually confronted with the strong silent type she will do everything thing in her power to get him to talk.

Which usually means one thing only- the thing women are brilliant at; endless badgering and emotional blackmail. The emotional blackmail will consist of everything from withholding sex all the way through to tantrums or sulking.

In the end of course, the strong silent type is not what any woman wants at all, but how typical to have made famous the very opposite of what they want.

In romance novels the men usually start out as the strong silent type, but the woman’s beauty, gentleness and charm (that special something that we saw in earlier posts) opens him up, usually for the first time in his life, and he starts to talk about the wonders on his mind. These are always deep insights into the way he ticks, which, of course, she can instantly decipher.

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