Posts Tagged 'Women'

Because men like to write on public spaces

Tagging, my son calls it.

That weird thing that used to be called graffiti. Now, when I talk about men having a bizarre desire to write things (usually their “tag” which is actually their “name” which is stupid enough  in itself) I am not talking about “street art”. Street art for me is that things Banksy does, or Shepard Fairey or Invader (although it is worth noting these are all men as well). I am talking about that non-art-non-creative defacing of public property that ranges from the changed funny street sign to the dirty words written on park benches.

Now women have been known to carve their boyfriends initials into tree trunks… sometimes accompanied by their own and a heart… but that is about the end of it. This tends to be one of those blokey things.

Those who try to philosophise and glamorize graffiti will usually try to claim authenticity by being anti-establishment. Its status as anti-establishment comes from two main points. The first that it is illegal to deface public property (for some, this gives them ‘street cred’) and secondly, it is thought to be associated with gangs and it isn’t and this gives the graffiti artists a kind of defiant legitimizing; Their total sense of actualisation comes from being misunderstood as something else. (In other words – they will have to continue to be misunderstood in order for them to ‘exist’)

Actually, graffiti is one of those ‘college boy’ acts of subversion like DJ’ing and doing lines at a party. These are banal, conformist acts of ‘subversion’ that are only shocking to middle class white boys who long to be mistaken as tough, wild and most of all free. graffiti is actually a rather ho-hum way of expressing oneself, unless real talent is applied – as in the case of the aforementioned artists – and lets face it, how often does that happen?

In romance novels if men feel the need to be subversive they usually do it properly. They take on an enormous challenge, or as is often the case in romance, they are fighting off the terrifying enemy. there is no need to rush off to perform acts that represent subversion just because they are in college doing exactly what mummy and daddy wanted them to do.

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Because women set up fake profile personas to stalk ex’s on Facebook

Ok.. now this is another one of those posts where the men do it to. However, men have such short attention spans that they’ll give up fairly quick. They may come back and haunt you some time in the future, but stalk you for months – they just don’t have the committment to such petty projects.

However women will.

And oh, they will do it for months – even years. I have a friend (don’t we all???) who was on FB and of course some woman friended her and it turned out to be the mother of her husbands child about which she knew nothing. I think just about everyone has a story like this, or they know someone who knows someone who does.

if the woman can’t set up her fake profile to stalk the guy, she will get a friend to do it for her.

So here is the bazillion dollar question. Why? Why do this? Why subject yourself to this sort of humiliation. No matter who you are or what you look like or where you are at in life, you deserve to be with someone who likes you. Why do women get SO hung up on the guy who doesn’t want you?

And not just him, but the one who humiliated you and probably made fun of you in public (see previous post).

Women will underpay their hand when it comes to relationship. I mean think about it. How often do you see an attractive woman with a not so attractive man, then how often do you see the reverse? Women will sell out when it comes to relationships and go for the guy who is horrible to them or generally just beneath them. However, what is unthinkable is that she will pursue him relentlessly if he dump her.

Generally stalking is not just an ugly pastime, it’s also illegal in most countries. It is unhealthy and damaging to all concerned. And yet, women do it. And far more often than we like to think.

In romance novels the women are adored by men who are always deserving and often just a little obsessive, without being ugly or possessive. When men are ike this, women finally feel secure and able to get on with their day. And that is another reason women like romance novels so much.

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Because men will reject a woman for what drew her to him in the first place

It was Socrates who said the unexamined life was not worth living.

A man.

And yet men lives the most unexamined of lives, generally and have a lot of trouble taking responsibility for

One of the most common of these are the men who will be attracted to a certain kind of woman, and then reject her when they grow to realise that what they liked about her was not what they liked in the first place. This will particularly happen in the area of women who need men.

Inevitably – in fact i will go as far as to say without exception – when men are drawn to women because they want to rescue them, eventually they will get rid of  the woman for exactly those same reasons.

Despite all the stereotypes, men can’t stand it when a woman relies on them. They resent women who are clingy and needy, and who demand that he be strength for both of them. Oh sure, he can do it when she is scared of the spider in the corner, or if she doesn’t want to change the lightbulb. When short bursts of masculinity are required, he loves the feeling of being a ‘man.’ However when a sustained support is expected of him, he will either run for the hills or jeopardise the situation in other ways.

And yet, these kinds of women get men easily and frequently. Especially if she’s pretty, they will toss logic out the window and fall at he feet of the helpless woman. And they will do it happily without any thoughts to the consequences or without any recognition of that little voice inside of him that tells him he won’t like her in the morning. A crying woman, a woman who can’t change a tyre, a woman wo can’t read a map – these are all the women men will fall over themselves to help. They are all the women he will walk out on when she throws tantrum number twenty, abandon with flat tyres and make fun of in public about her not being able to read a map.

Men need to realise – and perhaps and examined life would do this – that women who employ these kinds of tactics to get your attention will always use these kinds of tactics. If they understood that, they may be able to prevent themselves from getting into some pretty ugly messes.

In romance novels men are men. they don’t mind if she is weak and needy. If he loves her, he will simply be there for her no matter what. But for women, the heroine is as important as the hero, and so none of the women are needy or manipulative in this fashion anyway.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men think hurting yourself needlessly means something

I have discussed on this blog before men’s peculiar habits and the strange meanings they attach to them. 
 
however there are few stranger than the actions that are taken in the name of machismo.
 
Lets look at a few of them:
 
– Doing outrageous stunts on bikes
– turbo charging a skateboard
– cliff diving
– running in front of stampeding bulls
– attempting impossible stuns on ramps
– wrestling snakes and crocodiles 
– riding bulls
 
The show that properly represents these incredibly foolish acts is Jackass. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t defend Jackass. The amazing thing is not so much the defence (after all, this is a blog defending the right to read romance novels) it is more the meanings attacked to the acts themselves. They have a sort of love for machismo. Even though the behaviours of the shows hosts are foolish, there is something very special and brave about it.
 
A more serious treatment of a similar subject occurs in the book Fight Club. In this book the self-abuse is definitely seen as a kind of machismo; a reaching into the depths of oneself for a meaning that is never there and can’t ever be there – but you come out of it a man.
 
In romance novels men are heroes the hard way. By choosing to take a stand and then taking that stand. they fight for who they are and they fight for their women and their loved ones and their principles. They are not men who are so filled with nothing that even stupidity makes them feel more like men.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because women take revenge through sex

In the ongoing ever-present conversation between men and women, it is always the men who accuse the women of being unfaithful. Women get accused of it in a way that men don’t.  I don’t mean to imply women don’t accuse men (they definitely do) but the way these infidelities are understood is very different.

The stigma attached to male infidelity is one of a basic understanding – well he’s  a male and he can’t help it.

However, when a woman does it, the stigma implies there is something intrinsically wrong with her. The story around women is muddled. Women are supposed to want sex, but love fidelity (naturally of course) or they are supposed to hate sex. Women who can’t be ‘caught’ for example are always seen as spinsters and treated as frigid.

So, there is a special place in hell reserved for the woman who cheats on her man.

As if following on from this, women will use sex as an act of revenge. Men don’t tend to do this. they will sleep with someone because they want to.  But a woman will use sex in this manner. Not all women of course, but many women will use it to pay a lover back for something that he might have done to her. And this slight can be real or imagined.

It’s hard to know if the reputation came before the behaviour. But it is not difficult to work out why women do this. It is one of the few forms of power women have, therefore it should be no surprise to anyone that they will use it.  I guess if you look at it logically, women have very few avenues available to them to take revenge. Sex is one of the few areas they are granted any sort of power.

Add to this, every man being ‘unable to resist’ every woman, and you have a power ascribed women, that although not necessarily accurate, is still heavily set in mythology.

In romance novels women don’t have sex for revenge. They have sex when they fall in love with the hero – and usually they only have sex with him, and if any one else is involved it is with the consent of both parties. If women need to take revenge out on someone they do it in more clear and constructive ways. They don’t use sex as a weapon, because they have access to other kinds of power.

www.barbranovac.com

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Because men have no sense of humour

There was an ad campaign in this country a few years back that was very successful. It’s task was to encourage men (younger men particularly) to slow down. Several shots of men racing off at lights or speeding to impress girls, were met with witnesses holding up their pinkie fingers in response. This symbol indicates the witness things the guy must have a really small dick in order to be acting that way.
 
After the ad was on for a while, a report aired on the radio of a distressing case of road rage. A man attacked a woman’s car with a baseball bat on a freeway while she was sitting in it, smashing windscreen, back window and making large dents in her bonnet. When he had to face a judge in court over the incident, the man cited as a genuine defence, she’d held her small pinky finger up at him when he’d cut her off in heavy traffic.
 
Can I tell you? Men can’t take a joke.
 
Guys, if you’re gonna put the whole ‘aggressive-im-better-than-you’ thing out there these days, you gotta expect a little backlash.No one is falling for dragging at lights, two-wheel corners or mufflers that don’t work. The chicks your going to pull are the ones you are embarrassed to be seen with – trust me.
 
Driving dangerously has got to be one of the most stupid, ‘shit-for-brains’ way of attracting mucho attention ever. this went out with the 50’s greasers. please get it through your head that public roads are not the place for extreme sport.
 
Or, at least if you HAVE to do it, understand that you will be made merciless fun of, with no apology forthcoming no matter how much you sulk.
 
For your information, the man who cited the small finger joke as justification for his outrage, was fined, had to pay court costs, and had to pay to fix the woman’s car.
 
In romance novels men use their ‘mucho birthright’ to fight off villains and evil vampires, werewolves, bad counts, dukes earls and cousins. They never, ever use their powers for bullshit because women writers know, that inspires incredulity and mountains of jokes.  And justifiably so.
 

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Because when men don’t want sex it is considerd cool

I just watched ‘The Hurt Locker” which was …. well… it was another war movie.
 
But one of the things that struck me in it, was when men isolate themselves in sexless situations, it always has an element of “cool” or something beyond their so-called massive sexual drive. When a man leaves his wife and places himself in a war situation where (supposedly – lets not even get started on that one) it is a sexless situation, it is seen as really cool and STILL really “masculine”.
 
This tells me that even stronger than the drive to hyper-sexualise every female in order to define masculinity, is the desire to reject every female in order to define masculinity.
 
Could you have the same kind of film with a female character? Yes, but she has to be a man – G.I. Jane is a good example – but even so it would never get the same cred that a film about a man rejecting a woman and sex in favour of …. an addiction, or power, or some other non-existent male fantasy, generates.
 
There is still something very ‘cool’ about a man who rejects his woman. Or sex, as this film indicates at the end.
 
Yes, we all know the main character is messed up, but who amongst us can really honestly say there wasn’t a measure of admiration for him also?  A desire to “be” him in some way. A need to emulate?
Ultimately, his power comes from his choice of certain death over sleeping with the mother of his child. (It is worth noting that there was a great deal of criticism for this film from men who actually performed the tasks depicted in the film. Particularly the lead character was cited by The Air Force Times as precisely the kind of person who would never get the job.)
 
If women reject sex they are considered prudes or gods police. They get described in ways that implies their vaginas and wombs shrivel up. Yet, when a man rejects it, it’s cool and he’s some sort of super hero.
 
Sex is supposed to be a thing of incidental pleasure to a man. In one conversation its a driving force (that is when he’s in a domestic situation, he is unnaturally driven by his desire to fuck everyone other than his partner) and in other situations it is an aggressive pastime he will engage in off to the side of his real life goal (that is when he is in a position of some importance). For women, sex is supposed to be the centre of their life. That is being available for it at any time. She’s no hero if she rejects it. (Even Beatrix Kiddo’s main enemy is the man she slept with)
 
In romance novels sex is an integral part of all the hero and heroines lives because love – the kind of love Shakespeare talks about in Anthony and Cleopatra  – the love that frees both man and woman from stereotypes – is the ultimate goal and healing energy for all human creatures. Men and women are fighting themselves to get to each other; and this is another one of the reasons women love romance novels  so much.

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