Men often complain that they don’t understand women. In fact, aside from complaints about sex, this is one of the biggest irritations about women that men will come up with.
But, is it really true that men don’t understand women?
I mean, how hard can it really be?
Men are able to understand machines. They can invent them, pull them apart and (hopefully) put them back together again.
Men can understand mathematical equations. They can understand light speed, voodoo economics, philosophical applications and the theory of relativity.
They can turn a dollar into one hundred dollars on the stock exchange, calculate compound interest, discover psychotherapy, practise as a psychologist and discover neural pathways in the human brain.
Apparently, the following needs of a woman, however, are completely beyond him:
- Her need to be held
- Her need to be noticed
- Her need for respect
- Her need for something productive and valuable to do
- Her need to extend herself intellectually
- Her need to talk with her friends
- Her need to care for the children (which includes her need to have a break from the children)
- Her need to care for her parents
- Her need to bitch about her mother which you are not allowed to do
- Her need for sex that includes her pleasure
In romance novels, all a woman’s basic, human needs are met. Not only are they deeply and properly met, but they are met by their gorgeous buffed lover, who understands her needs because he taps into his own needs, recognises hers and gives her what he would want for himself. This is another reason women love erotic romance novels.
Why intelligent women read romance novels. 
“Not only are they deeply and properly met, but they are met by their gorgeous buffed lover, who understands her needs because he taps into his own needs, recognises hers and gives her what he would want for himself. ”
OK, ABSOLUTE BUNK here. Just from what I’ve read on your site, BTW – that men and women are different, have different needs…?
By definition, then, the hero in these romance novels cannot “[understand] her needs” and “[give] her what he would want for himself,” because he must want something different.
Occam’s Razor: She responds the way she does because she wants “X”. He acts in a way to give her “X” so he gets “Y” from her.
Been there, done that: I give the girl what I want (Say, affection and respect), I go home to an empty bed. I treat her as if she doesn’t matter, she is there warming my bed. WTF?
Please at least be consistent: Women want things, but in this modern world, they refuse to give men what men want. So, women need romance novels and vibrators, while men “want” “hot” women. “Hot” can be interpreted many ways, some guys want emotional bonds, some want hot sex, some want a doll to play with, some want a slave, some want a Dominatrix. Some like fat women, some like twigs, some like Betty Friedan, some like Betty Boop. And “Wnat” is in quotes because human companionship at this level is more “need” than literal “want.”
Two examples:
1. Ex-GF : Married to a doctor now, we met when I wanted to get married and have a family. Nurse, working toward being a Nure-Practitioner (can prescribe meds like an MD); worked ER, worked ICU, had a plan for life including what jobs to hit to make life work for the man in her life when marraige and children came up. Saved money, knew finance basics, been to college, supportive of me, could compete or complete as needed/wanted. Probably about a 5 on looks, though.
2. Soon-to-be-new-Ex-GF: (We live in a house with shared mortgage/deed. MY error.) She is domineering, poorly educated, an Admin assistant (VP-level, running a division of a fortune-500 company). IE, she’s guaranteed bitchy on days ending in “y”. It’s a CONSTANT war with her. She wants tobe swept off her feet, taken away from life, have a “real man” lead her… Every time I try to assert myself as A man, let alone THE man, she emasculates and twists things. Like one of your other posts here, she’s bitchy because she wants me to get closer, you say.
F*ck that, she wants me to get closer, she now must act in ways that draw me in. Think Seduction instead of Terminator. And I HAVE tried to get closer. I have tried to be more attentive, more intimate, etc. I try to cater to at least some of her wants and needs, to be held, talked to, loved… Yet if I relax my “Game” for even a second, I’m cut up and discarded. I’m the breadwinner, the reason her daughter is in her custody is MY wealth. The reason there’s a house at all? MY wealth. The reason her daughter is growing up and maturing? ME, warts and all. The reason she can’t find a job now? Might be that chip on her shoulder, never can tell – she’s good at her job, but can’t even get her foot in the door most times. Her best (male) friend has said he’d NEVER date her. (He’s divorced, BTW.)
You know, if SO MANY people are rejecting you, MAYBE there’s a reason. And maybe if you WANT something, you should take steps to get it. If she wanted me to leave, I can now pack up and leave – we’ve gotten rid of most of the things I valued, might as well get rid of me, too – but then there’s the issue of income, and paying the mortgage, so – I guess it’s better to live with me and suffer than get back out to where the job really is, or where she might be happier, or might even have to do all the HARD work herself – again.
This is why I have decided to take the decision out of her hands. She is not who I started dating, I have had to change during this time.
Please explain that in an entry, so that women get the idea that their romance novels are the female eqiuvalent of pornos, and stop acting as if they were holy writ. If Men must be responsible adults, SO MUST WOMEN. and if women USED to have their needs met by men, it can happen again. Just understand the difference between “need” and “want”, and act in ways to attract the men you want, with the understanding that there is a very limited pool of men who will meet everything on the list. you may have to “make do”, which is what we men have done for generations, too. The movie stars and pinups and ceterfolds (Centerfolds being a weak example) represent and idealized “Woman”, just as your hero in the novel represents an idealzed “Man”.
Rest assured, when we don’t measure up to your Romance Novel Hero, you don’t measure up to our fantasy, either. Neither one is realistic; why is the male fantasy wrong, but the female one is right?
Ah yes. The age-old myth. The false premise. The Big Lie:
If you understand her needs and meet them, she will reciprocate and meet your needs.
Yeah. Right.
The truth is, it’s not a man’s responsibility to “understand a woman’s basic needs”. They’re HER damned needs. SHE is the only person who can ever know what her “needs” are, or begin to “understand” them. And to be honest, generally speaking, women don’t understand their own needs, let alone have the ability to articulate and manage those needs.
Ladies, YOU are responsible for your own happiness. If you have a “need” that requires the help of a man, you have no right to demand it of him, or emotionally manipulate him by pitching a hissy fit. The only moral choice is for you to get that “need” met on HIS TERMS, not yours. And vice versa.
Bitchiness and bickering enter relationships not because “he can’t understand my basic needs”, but because YOU EXPECT him to, against his will, and he’s pissed.
So women, throw out the bodice-ripper novels, take the cats to the shelter, and wake the hell up. Start to understand your own needs for a change. You’re not a “complex” and “misunderstood” person. You can figure it out if you think a little bit. I mean, how hard can it really be?
Women understand machines, in fact much better than men.
🙂
I would have to agree!
Thanks for your comment.
B.