Blog Change: A whole new look

Well, you haven’t been seeing any new posts for a while, because I have been working hard on web design. I have a new layout, and a new look.

I will leave this blog up for a little while longer, but none of the new posts will be added here. All the posts have been moved to the new site, however, and while it may take me a while to organise it, your old favourites can be found there. I regret to say I lost the valuable comments from many of you in the transfer and would love it if you cold leap over there and add some to the new layout.

For more exciting and fun reasons why women read romance novels, please go to:

www.intelligentwomenreadromance.com

Thanks

Barbra

Because men like to write on public spaces

Tagging, my son calls it.

That weird thing that used to be called graffiti. Now, when I talk about men having a bizarre desire to write things (usually their “tag” which is actually their “name” which is stupid enough  in itself) I am not talking about “street art”. Street art for me is that things Banksy does, or Shepard Fairey or Invader (although it is worth noting these are all men as well). I am talking about that non-art-non-creative defacing of public property that ranges from the changed funny street sign to the dirty words written on park benches.

Now women have been known to carve their boyfriends initials into tree trunks… sometimes accompanied by their own and a heart… but that is about the end of it. This tends to be one of those blokey things.

Those who try to philosophise and glamorize graffiti will usually try to claim authenticity by being anti-establishment. Its status as anti-establishment comes from two main points. The first that it is illegal to deface public property (for some, this gives them ‘street cred’) and secondly, it is thought to be associated with gangs and it isn’t and this gives the graffiti artists a kind of defiant legitimizing; Their total sense of actualisation comes from being misunderstood as something else. (In other words – they will have to continue to be misunderstood in order for them to ‘exist’)

Actually, graffiti is one of those ‘college boy’ acts of subversion like DJ’ing and doing lines at a party. These are banal, conformist acts of ‘subversion’ that are only shocking to middle class white boys who long to be mistaken as tough, wild and most of all free. graffiti is actually a rather ho-hum way of expressing oneself, unless real talent is applied – as in the case of the aforementioned artists – and lets face it, how often does that happen?

In romance novels if men feel the need to be subversive they usually do it properly. They take on an enormous challenge, or as is often the case in romance, they are fighting off the terrifying enemy. there is no need to rush off to perform acts that represent subversion just because they are in college doing exactly what mummy and daddy wanted them to do.

www.barbranvoac.com

Because women set up fake profile personas to stalk ex’s on Facebook

Ok.. now this is another one of those posts where the men do it to. However, men have such short attention spans that they’ll give up fairly quick. They may come back and haunt you some time in the future, but stalk you for months – they just don’t have the committment to such petty projects.

However women will.

And oh, they will do it for months – even years. I have a friend (don’t we all???) who was on FB and of course some woman friended her and it turned out to be the mother of her husbands child about which she knew nothing. I think just about everyone has a story like this, or they know someone who knows someone who does.

if the woman can’t set up her fake profile to stalk the guy, she will get a friend to do it for her.

So here is the bazillion dollar question. Why? Why do this? Why subject yourself to this sort of humiliation. No matter who you are or what you look like or where you are at in life, you deserve to be with someone who likes you. Why do women get SO hung up on the guy who doesn’t want you?

And not just him, but the one who humiliated you and probably made fun of you in public (see previous post).

Women will underpay their hand when it comes to relationship. I mean think about it. How often do you see an attractive woman with a not so attractive man, then how often do you see the reverse? Women will sell out when it comes to relationships and go for the guy who is horrible to them or generally just beneath them. However, what is unthinkable is that she will pursue him relentlessly if he dump her.

Generally stalking is not just an ugly pastime, it’s also illegal in most countries. It is unhealthy and damaging to all concerned. And yet, women do it. And far more often than we like to think.

In romance novels the women are adored by men who are always deserving and often just a little obsessive, without being ugly or possessive. When men are ike this, women finally feel secure and able to get on with their day. And that is another reason women like romance novels so much.

Because men think stupid is cool

There are some things that men do that women will simply never understand. The best we can hope for is that evolution will take care of eliminating these things over time.

the things I am talking about are those male-centred attributes, objects or pastimes that make no logical sense but that men will defend their right to be, like or perform. It’s not so much the object itself, or the behaviour – its more men’s total fascination with the thing. A fascination that leads them to thinking it is cool, when it most certainly is not.

here is my to ten list of the stupid things that men think are cool:

10) tanks (hello! Tanks are NOT cool)

9) driving dangerously (self explanatory)

8 ) backseat driving (men call this giving instruction)

7) peeing contests / peeing everywhere (!)

6) killing animals (this one is dying out thank god)

5) belching in public (gross)

4) knowing twenty different way’s to open a beer bottle (really, this is NOT cool)

3) soggy sao contests (ummmm…. like REALLY this is NOT cool)

2) making fun of others in public when you are embarrassed (we can see through you)

and the number one is

1) farting in public.

In romance novels none of the above appear.

http://www.barbranovac.com

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Ask any woman if she has or has had a journal, and I bet the overwhelming answer to that question will be yes. If she says no, she’s lying.

Women love journals. I have mentioned it on this blog before. They particularly like them with beautiful or interesting covers. Women like to touch them, own them and write in them but more than anything else, they like to buy them.

And what is it exactly that women do with these journals once they own them?

Wy they write down their hopes and dreams of course.

And most women’s hopes and dreams occur in the form of to do lists. That is, lists of all the things they have to do in order to become all the things they wish to be.
Women wish to be so many things. They want to be: nicer, smarter, thinner, have better skin, have better hair, have better nails, better clothes. better home, a better cook, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, better at work, better cleaner of clothes, cars and houses, better with their free time and better with their busy times.

Women want to get better at everything they do, and ultimately, the best way they can achieve this is to write it in a journal and then look at the wonderful dreams, come to life on the page.

And then that generally satisfies the yearning. Once they can see the dreams written out in black and white that satisfies the craving they had for their lives to be different.

At least for a while.

In romance novels, usually women write their hopes and dreams out in a journal and before they know it, the entire scenario has come true, but a wonderful man leaping out of the pages of a book to satisfy them, a fairy godmother providing them with the new man and the new life, or just a strange series of circumstances coinciding for them to have everything that they want. One thing you will never see in a romance novel is a long hard slog that takes most of their lives being the way dreams come true – because after all, this is about dreams, wishes and fantasies, not real life.

 And every romance reader knows it.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men will reject a woman for what drew her to him in the first place

It was Socrates who said the unexamined life was not worth living.

A man.

And yet men lives the most unexamined of lives, generally and have a lot of trouble taking responsibility for

One of the most common of these are the men who will be attracted to a certain kind of woman, and then reject her when they grow to realise that what they liked about her was not what they liked in the first place. This will particularly happen in the area of women who need men.

Inevitably – in fact i will go as far as to say without exception – when men are drawn to women because they want to rescue them, eventually they will get rid of  the woman for exactly those same reasons.

Despite all the stereotypes, men can’t stand it when a woman relies on them. They resent women who are clingy and needy, and who demand that he be strength for both of them. Oh sure, he can do it when she is scared of the spider in the corner, or if she doesn’t want to change the lightbulb. When short bursts of masculinity are required, he loves the feeling of being a ‘man.’ However when a sustained support is expected of him, he will either run for the hills or jeopardise the situation in other ways.

And yet, these kinds of women get men easily and frequently. Especially if she’s pretty, they will toss logic out the window and fall at he feet of the helpless woman. And they will do it happily without any thoughts to the consequences or without any recognition of that little voice inside of him that tells him he won’t like her in the morning. A crying woman, a woman who can’t change a tyre, a woman wo can’t read a map – these are all the women men will fall over themselves to help. They are all the women he will walk out on when she throws tantrum number twenty, abandon with flat tyres and make fun of in public about her not being able to read a map.

Men need to realise – and perhaps and examined life would do this – that women who employ these kinds of tactics to get your attention will always use these kinds of tactics. If they understood that, they may be able to prevent themselves from getting into some pretty ugly messes.

In romance novels men are men. they don’t mind if she is weak and needy. If he loves her, he will simply be there for her no matter what. But for women, the heroine is as important as the hero, and so none of the women are needy or manipulative in this fashion anyway.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women embellish their accomplishments

If men are able to get places without having to compete fairly (IE – they are rewarded in the business world all the time simply for being men) then women are guilty of making up lies about their accomplishments.

Look after the office on a Friday afternoon while the bosses are at drinks – that’s called co running the office.

Land a job with a mate when you couldn’t find work – that’s called successfully starting your own business. 

Hate dealing with facts and figures – that’s call thinking so big you lose interest in the details.

helped a creative friend one night when they were struggling with their project – that means you really should have gotten creative rights you tell your friends.

The boss tells you he was pleased with your effort – that means he went on about it all afternoon.

Talk a friend through some difficulties in the afternoon – that means everyone always comes to you with all their problems.

Drive the kids to and from school and a friends kids – that means you should have a bus or taxi licence.

 

Get the idea?

 

Women do this much worse than men. Men don’t have to do it as much because they don’t have to do as much to get the accolades that women are craving that they didn’t receive. But the women don’t want to be judged by the actual accomplishments – no they’d NEVER get rewarded if that were the case. They want to be judged on the rumours they start – not on the results they achieve. 

 

In romance novels women are happy to just be what they are because in the ideal state that is how every woman dreams it. Women, like men, are totally unprepared for dissatisfaction and therefore they prefer books where no one has to make anything up – they just live wonderful lives. 

http://www.barbranovac.com

Because men think hurting yourself needlessly means something

I have discussed on this blog before men’s peculiar habits and the strange meanings they attach to them. 

 

however there are few stranger than the actions that are taken in the name of machismo.

 

Lets look at a few of them:

 

– Doing outrageous stunts on bikes

– turbo charging a skateboard

– cliff diving

– running in front of stampeding bulls

– attempting impossible stuns on ramps

– wrestling snakes and crocodiles 

– riding bulls

 

The show that properly represents these incredibly foolish acts is Jackass. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t defend Jackass. The amazing thing is not so much the defence (after all, this is a blog defending the right to read romance novels) it is more the meanings attacked to the acts themselves. They have a sort of love for machismo. Even though the behaviours of the shows hosts are foolish, there is something very special and brave about it.

 

A more serious treatment of a similar subject occurs in the book Fight Club. In this book the self-abuse is definitely seen as a kind of machismo; a reaching into the depths of oneself for a meaning that is never there and can’t ever be there – but you come out of it a man.

 

In romance novels men are heroes the hard way. By choosing to take a stand and then taking that stand. they fight for who they are and they fight for their women and their loved ones and their principles. They are not men who are so filled with nothing that even stupidity makes them feel more like men.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women take revenge through sex

In the ongoing ever-present conversation between men and women, it is always the men who accuse the women of being unfaithful. Women get accused of it in a way that men don’t.  I don’t mean to imply women don’t accuse men (they definitely do) but the way these infidelities are understood is very different.

The stigma attached to male infidelity is one of a basic understanding – well he’s  a male and he can’t help it.

However, when a woman does it, the stigma implies there is something intrinsically wrong with her. The story around women is muddled. Women are supposed to want sex, but love fidelity (naturally of course) or they are supposed to hate sex. Women who can’t be ‘caught’ for example are always seen as spinsters and treated as frigid.

So, there is a special place in hell reserved for the woman who cheats on her man.

As if following on from this, women will use sex as an act of revenge. Men don’t tend to do this. they will sleep with someone because they want to.  But a woman will use sex in this manner. Not all women of course, but many women will use it to pay a lover back for something that he might have done to her. And this slight can be real or imagined.

It’s hard to know if the reputation came before the behaviour. But it is not difficult to work out why women do this. It is one of the few forms of power women have, therefore it should be no surprise to anyone that they will use it.  I guess if you look at it logically, women have very few avenues available to them to take revenge. Sex is one of the few areas they are granted any sort of power.

Add to this, every man being ‘unable to resist’ every woman, and you have a power ascribed women, that although not necessarily accurate, is still heavily set in mythology.

In romance novels women don’t have sex for revenge. They have sex when they fall in love with the hero – and usually they only have sex with him, and if any one else is involved it is with the consent of both parties. If women need to take revenge out on someone they do it in more clear and constructive ways. They don’t use sex as a weapon, because they have access to other kinds of power.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men expect power without having to be powerful

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Men love power. They say it is to impress women, but that is about as accurate as the theory that women dress to impress men. Men want power for the same reason women want to look good. to make the others of their sex jealous. To ‘prove’ that they have come first.

So what is a powerful person? Almost every philosophy or theology you will ever read agrees it starts with self-mastery. However, men have missed this point. For them, power resides in the strength of their punch and the quality of their lie.

It is true that men are getting better at resisting the punch. There are very few men in our culture who would defend hitting a woman or a child. there are even men who would resist hitting another man, no matter how much he challenged him to a ‘duel.’

However it is very rare – even in this day and age – to see a man working very hard to improve himself.

Oh, he may want to take more courses in his chosen career path. Or he may be into business books and motivational books. However, how often do you really see a man attempting to practise self-mastery?

And I don’t necessarily mean quitting smoking or losing weight. I mean real self mastery. Like learning how to be nicer to his wife, spend time with the children, and above all fight the ego drives that encourage him to dominate and control every situation, usually to the absolute detriment of all his long terms plans.

Men have largely gotten where they are by mateship and camaraderie. Women know this, because we have so much trouble getting through the ‘glass ceiling’ and being paid the same for equal work. In only very rare exceptions do you see men getting somewhere through intense self-examination, life changing decisions and a challenging of their own ego. It is a very rare man who will not argue  in FAVOUR of his precious ego. Why? Because it is the very key that convinces other men to elevate him, or get him something that he wants. His bravado is far more powerful amongst the world of the powerful (that is other men) because if there is one thing men want to see, it is the lasting enduring power of bravado. They will elevate each other and promote the most useless human being, all in the name of keeping the faith in their egos alive.

In romance novels all the heros are powerful. And they are that good old-fashioned kind of powerful. they are powerful in that they self examine and they allow themselves to grow. Usually they will allow themselves to be transformed by the love of their fine woman. And tat is another reason why women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com